Suck It Up Buttercup!

Back in the saddle

2011-10-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

I had a husband this weekend and now I am husband-less again :( We are moving and he has already had to move so right now while we wait for our house to sell, me and the boyo's are here alone. It was the first flight out to get him back to work on time today so I was driving back from the airport at 5:15am... ugh... mornings are not my strong suit.

BUT, I got home around 5:35am, went upstairs, changed into my exercise gear and went and did my shred (Level One, it was too early for Level Two!!). I felt better for it and am very pleased with myself for having done it.

I really hope to get into the routine of doing that (at 6am not 5:35am necessarily!!) every other day. I already feel the muscles "remembering" to be tigher. I am doing excellent in cleaning out my freezer and while not all the meals that did that clean out were perfect... I am doing pretty good. I did eat a bunch of baddies this weekend (baddies for my fatty parts!) but my parents were here for Thanksgiving (Canadian) and my mom had brought a few goodies. So... I had a few but.. overall I could have (and have had) a lot more!!

Jen

She yelled at me, and I liked it!

2011-10-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well, as punishment for my jump off the wagon this weekend, I made sure I worked out last night. (should have got up in the am and worked out but... another story). AND, I did Level 2 of the 30 day shred. HARD but not impossible. I had to do a few of the moves with the "easy" girl in the back but still pulled it all off and was sweating like crazy when I was done. In fact, just sitting here I feel several areas of my body in an unpleasant way :) Last night my butt was sore. Today my stomach and delts. But yay, it works. I am always amazed by how fast my body starts to react to these workouts. They are only 30 minutes long. You'd think it would take months. But literally, I'm on workout 4 this month and already I can feel my arm muscles more.

LOVE THAT. And then I wonder, if I love it so much, why do I keep stopping? The mission is to not stop and then someday , those curvy jeans of mine (cause, I'm always gonna be curvy, and I like that too!) will not be a double digit size. (cause I was SUPER happy when my bra wasn't double alphas anymore). I'm going for a 9. I don't think that is an unrealistic goal. And by next year this time. Not in a couple months.

Rock on Jillian.

Oops, think I hurt myself

2011-10-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

When I fell off the wagon this weekend!! Dumb. BUT, it's the quote, it's not failing that defines us, it's how we deal with that failure.

So brush, brush... put it behind me and move on. My treadmill is still broken but called again to get it fixed!! And Jillian with her 30 day shred is always there, ready to yell at me to move it.

I'll take it thank you very much

2011-09-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

So, 2.8lbs down according to my FitBit and my bathroom scale :) I tell you having this little thing on my side all day telling me if I'm sedentary or fairly active and for how long sure does make you think about your day! I have a desk job. Do you KNOW how many hours of sedentary I log a day. It really, really sucks. It makes me NOT want to have a desk job. It's WOW.

But, to counteract that, I have started working out again. Am I doing it every day? Nope. Am I trying? Not everyday. I'll admit it. But, a funny thing happened this morning. I went to bed saying, I will get up tomorrow and exercise. Guess what happened this am? My alarm went off and I ... hit snooze like 4 times... THEN I got up and exercised :) Cause I hit snooze and I immediately thought... ugh and then "oh, I was going to exercise". I spent the next 3 snoozes arguing with myself and then I got up. And I did. And it sucked and I felt FANTASTIC after I was done.

Thank you Jillian for pushing me and you are right... I was floating off the ground doing the last cardio session (for anyone who has done Level 1 of the 30 day Shred, you know exactly what I mean). And I'm sore. And I will likely be tired by 8:00pm tonight. And I am super duper happy about that.

In other news... my treadmill died. Ugh, that really, really sucks. I've called to get it fixed and I hope it does. My "plan" was to do C25K every other day and on the "other" days do weights or yoga or 30 day shred. So, I am doing exclusively 30 day shred right now. But, hopefully I'm back to running again as I am moving to a city I can run in almost all year round so I want to get back to... well, to actually being able to run :)

Jen

Fitbit and other motivational stuff

2011-09-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

So I got a FitBit for my birthday (http://www.fitbit.com/) and it arrived Friday. I am now plugged into how many steps I do a day, logging my food and even finding out how I am sleeping (I wake up a lot!). It is showing me my lack of exercise (which is good that I can SEE it) and helping me keep my food intake reasonable. It is true (I know, groan groan), if you write it down (or type it in, in my case) you really do think twice about eating it. Cause, if I'm not being honest with myself, well, then I have more troubles than needing to get more active and lose weight.

On Saturday, I emptied out my freezers and did an inventory of what I had. I have 3+ weeks of meat in there!! So I organized it better (all the meat is in my fridge freezer now, tidily lined up) and then did a meal plan for the next 3 weeks. So far, that has helped a lot. I knew exactly what I was making Sunday night and I left out the meat for tonight already! And bought the ingredients for the rest of the week cause I knew what I needed. Amazing! :) planning... planning... planning...

This also results in me havng salad with a piece of salmon on top for lunch... I planned the meals and the leftovers!!

Pretty proud of all that work!! Now, to start moving again on a regular basis.

Jen

Well, holy cow...

2011-09-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

I had no idea it had been so long... which is what I think I said the time before. I did terrible over the summer... no excuses coming from me either. My motivation was in the toilet so... of course I did terrible.

Getting back to my healthiest eating habits thanks to a little friend I've gained... either reflux or an ulcer. BUT, while it was scary and painful getting it diagnoses... really, it's been a wonderful bonus (people are thinking.. that's it, she's lost it!). It's an ENFORCED diet. I can't eat 3 hours before bed or PAIN. I cant' have fatty or spicy food or PAIN. I have to cut out a lot of bad-for-me-anyways stuff and if I'm bad... I get some negative feedback :) Really, I am looking at this as a good thing. My body is forcing me to eat well.

NOW, really, when I look at my diet, I eat pretty darn well really. I've been on the NO white diet for a long time. I eat pasta maybe once a month.. more like once a season. But my veggies and fruit in take sucks. And ice cream, thou foul beast, is something I really, really like. (can't eat that now either! Too fatty)

So, today I got up, I did yoga for 30 minutes. I had oatmeal and a breakfast sandwich for breakfast. Lots of water so far. And chicken and veggies for lunch. Leftover turkey, new potatoes, veggie and salad for dinner. A Kashi bar for snack. Might even do a bit of weight training tonight if I can get to it.

It's a plan, and I'm trying my darnest to make it a habit!

Jen

Another month and... well, I'm in the same place

2011-02-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't lost my resolve but my planning sucks. I see that but having a hard time getting on top of it. I find something always needs to give and unfortunately it has been eating right lately. I haven't pigged out or gone crazy but it seems being relentlessly careful is the ONLY way I can lose even the smallest amount of weight so... that is what I need to be. I don't eat white bread or pasta. I don't buy sweets except perhaps once a month (SB treat like a scone or something) and I have never been an over or binge eater. My worst trait is the emotional eating at night but... even that is one bowl of ice cream (usually over 3 of my PMS hormones going crazy nights) and then, that's it.

But, enough whining about it, if that is what it takes to lose weight, then I have to be even stricter. I am exercising consistanly 3 times a week but again, that isn't enough either. So, I do more. I plan more and I will find a way to make that work.

I will not spend another January looking at the same weight on the scale. I'm done with being "chunky". D - O - N -E. Done. I hit 35 this year. I want to hit it feeling more comfortable with me and yes, that includes losing weight but also feeling more confident in my "athletic" abilities and pushing the envelope. I am going to do a 10K this year and sign up for Zumba. I want to do it, I have been too chicken to do it but NO MORE :)

And, I need to point out what I have noticed about myself... I said the other day "Oh, just 5K but I'm going to do a 10 this year." JUST 5K. That is hilarious that came out of my mouth! And, makes me pretty proud of what I've accomplished so far. 5K is still hard but I don't view it as an unaccomplishable feat. I view it as something I've done and can do and can surpass.

Here's to planning.

Jen

I can do it, I can do it, I can...

2011-01-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

I feel a bit like that little train trying to get up the hill. But I keep on trucking. I took Saturday off but ran Friday and Sunday and did an arm workout Monday and ran again last night. (the night part, SUCKED but that was when my running partner could go).

But now, I face my ultimate challenge. My husband is away so I have to exercise on my own due to very likely having no one who wants to babysit my kids at 6:00am so I can run, LOL. So, to self-motivate... very, very hard since I view my treadmill as the "dreadmill" and have this complex about getting up in the am. If I know someone will be supremely pissed off at me if I don't show up outside my door or picking them up at their door at 6:00am, I get up. But on my own, I crash and burn. So... I face a long day of self-talk and motivating thoughts so I get up tomorrow and run :)

Wish me motion!

Jen

Get up and move your thang...

2011-01-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

That is what I told myself this morning when the alarm went off at 5:40 and I really didn't want to get up. For years I said "I can't get up in the mornings." NO, I didn't get up, you always can. You just have to choose to do so. Unless you literally have broken body parts, you CAN get up early and exercise.

This is the only time I really have. I'm too tired after working all day and making dinner, doing homework and getting the kids to bed. Then I almost literally CAN'T. I am wiped and exhausted. But in the morning I CAN so I do. I HATE mornings. Truly. I HATE getting up and driving in the foot of snow we have on my road in the dark to the indoor track. HATE walking across that parking lot with the wind and snow and being cold. But after I get off that track and know that it's only 7:00am and I've done 5KM already, put out that effort and spent some time on ME, I feel great.

So, get up and move your thang... you'll thank yourself for it... later but you will :)

Jen

2011 - time for some new goals

2011-01-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't realize it had been THAT long since I was on here :) My background was still Halloween! Oops.

I haven't been too far off the wagon since I was on here last. No weight down but no weight up either through watching my portion sizes and continuing my aversion to most white foods (white bread, white pasta, white sugar, etc).

I just started running again (we took a month off due to, in no particular order: stomach flus, a hurt knee, a irregular work schedule, insomnia and then Christmas). We did about an hour of walking/running intervals on Sunday and then about 5K this morning. We forgot to count our laps on the track but it was about that. I am also signing up for a Women on Weights course. I used to do weight training (pre-kids!) and loved it and it makes all the difference in my books.

Goals:

Run a 10K in June
Track and run 1000K this year
2-3 times a week running
2-3 times a week weight training and/or yoga
Do sun salutations each morning when I get out of bed, I find it so invigorating and peaceful at the same time
Continue to improve my clean-eating lifestyle and incorporate more veggies and fruit

Here's to a great 2011!!

Run #2...

2010-10-26T09:36:00.001-07:00

I only took a week's "break" but... I feel like this is Run #2. Another 5K at 6am this morning. 4 degrees and raining. Bah, I laugh at rain. I steam in 4 degrees :) We were both tired and not 100% but we got out there and did it and that's what counts.

Another one scheduled Thursday am and apparently I'm going Saturday morning too!! (was informed this morning, LOL).

Have a good one, go get sweaty!! I sure did.

Jen

A run in, finally...

2010-10-25T09:27:00.001-07:00

I confess, I've been doing nothing. Nadda, zip, de nada. And feeling pretty crappy. Even my joints are protesting the lack of DOING.

So I ran yesterday (my running partner has been away too!). Felt good and bad at the same time. I was sore (bit worried as my knee was sore after... hoping I just need new shoes) but also it was good to get moving. It was raining too... I told my running buddy "We have to be hard core now. We ran in minus 4, and now rain on a Sunday morning... if we only ran farther.... I'd be getting us t-shirts." Haha... Note to self: hard for your running partner to RUN when she is laughing too hard. LOL

Other than that... zip. But wanted to update you that I haven't been doing good on my exercise (or eating for that matter) but... aware and making the necessary changes now! Running planned for Tues and Thurs already and had my healthy breakie today.

Jen

It's me...

2010-10-12T15:58:00.000-07:00

Not a lot going on here. I'm eating pretty darn well (with the exception of the BIG turkey dinner and pumpkin pie) and running 2-3x a week. I haven't done anymore than that but am okay with it right now. Life is busy and I was stressed right out. I need to breath so I'm focusing on family and getting in my runs at a faster pace.

I hope you are all well too! Keep on keeping on ladies. Every little bit counts and, I'm feeling good so I'll take it.

Jen

Vacationing legs??

2010-09-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. I'm sitting in my hotel room listening to my boys okay their DS' and thought, I should check in. I've had a few "setbacks" since I got here. One: no DVD player. Two: our portable one won't work as they disabled to connections on the tv. Three: my husband is at a conference all day and I can't leave my boys alone to go use the gym. Hmmm, kinda hard to exercise. By the time we got out, ate and got back yesterday from dinner, I was too pooped and so was my husband, to go run. Today we are heading to a friends for dinner so likelihood of running after we get back... Nil.

But I did take the boys swimming yesterday and we're going again shortly. I am working with my little guy on his swimming so I'm hoping holding a 50lb kid in the water up and down the pool counts as something! It was almost an hour! I'd really have liked to say I'd run but, I'm here with my family to spend time as a family so I'm not going to beat myself up about it!! I think I'll try to get up tomorrow early enough to do 1/2 on the treadmill and then everything else I do will be gravy. (we also walked alot yesterday).

I will definTely be late starting the October Shred challenge but I'm starting it anyways. 4 days behind is better than not at all.

Jen

Taking an accounting...

2010-09-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Okay Syl... (excuse me a minute while I speak to her) did you HAVE to take a good accounting of why you aren't losing weight. Now I feel like I have to let the monster out of the closet too... (see her blog Live Smile Run).

So... I'm in the same boat and I read that this am and thought... uh oh, time to stop whining and time to start DOING. I'm running 2-3x a week. I am trying to do the shred all the other days (and failed miserably this last week). Yet I haven't actually lost any weight now since... (gulp and a sigh to type this)... since March! 20lbs down then... dead stop. I have 50lbs left to lose. I can NOT stay here.

Kicking it up a notch, taking a good look, etc is needed. Not the internal (mostly internal! LOL) whining about hitting a plateau. This isn't a plateau. This is me not truly putting in the food effort. And me realizing but doing nothing about the fact that my body is now used to 5K runs and needs more to start losing. Weight training is needed (the shred is perfect I think, I am definately seeing how fast that is toning). But, the dreadmill and I need to make friends. The ice cream needs to stop making it's way into my house (I will say, that happens fairly rarely but... I'll eat the entire bucket in a week). No more snacking. No more pizza nights, etc.

I want to lose another 10lbs by Xmas. That should be extremely doable! I am going to take the vacation time to figure out a doable plan for this. And... I want to say, I am not gaining. I am maintaining that 20lb loss very well. I have learned much better eating habits. However, that isn't enough. I need to up my veggies, cut out the snacks and "extras" and push harder. Those size 13s in my closet... I want to wear them to Xmas dinner.

Jen
PS and by taking my vacation time to plan, that doesn't mean I will be going nutters on eating or not exercising. I will be posting PHOTO proof I am using that gym at the hotel. I will still be following portion sizes, etc... it's just the last step I need to work on and embrace mentally!

A GOOD run...

2010-09-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

Can I get a "hell yah!!!!" from everyone? (maybe a "oh yah" if that works better for you!) Finally, I had a good run that at the end of it I felt like I'd really given it a true effort. We only did 5K (listen to me who could barely do 5 steps a year ago!) but only slowed to a fast walk once so my running partner could peel off her 2nd jacket. Oh, did I mention it was -2 degrees outside?? Oh, I forgot that little tidbit. :) My thighs are still a teensy bit frozen I think. (getting new Lulu or One Tooth running pants while on vacation!!)

I just had to share that. FINALLY a run that makes me WANT to get up Friday to do it again. That 5:30am alarm this morning was a real groaner and with it being cold... ugh. I said to my running partner, "let's try to not stop running today, I just want to get this over with!!" I was that pissy about it. And look at that, pushing it out really made me feel better. I was cold (the fat layer on my butt and thighs was starting to get pretty frozen!!) but we just kept going and did a decent time. Not brilliant but we were both proud and did a high five and a "GOOD RUN" when we slowed down to cooldown.

YES. Maybe this will propel me onto the treadmill while I am away in Victoria for the weekend. Surely the Empress (my fabulous-amazing-deluxe-pretty-etc hotel!! not excited at ALL to be staying there!!) will have a fantastic workout room... perhaps a little web-surfing to check it out is in order. My hubbie says it's nice but... I want to see. I have that love-hate relationship with the "dreadmill". Need to get over it. It is getting mightly cold outside at 6am!!

Jen
PS I'll try to post come quick pictures from my iPhone while on vacation to prove I'm not slacking off. I'll still be around until Friday!

I'm flaking out here!

2010-09-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

Ugh, haven't done my Shred in 3 days! That sucks. No sleep for two nights now has contributed. Not sure why I didn't sleep Sunday night... last night was my kids and my husband. The kids were both up and down saying they had nightmares or couldn't sleep or their legs hurt. UUGGHH... And my husband didn't get home until after 1am as his flight was delayed and at around 2:30am, I rolled over and he JUMPED out of the bed and slammed his hip into the footboard. I have no idea why me rolling over freaked him out (come on, I'm trying to lose weight but it's not like he should have even noticed!! LOL) but it did and so then I startled awake going "waaa, what? Whatz goin' up?? HUH??" Super.

I emailed my running partner at 3:30am after having been up for the 6th time that night and said I wasn't running. Well, I thought I said that. Apparently the message was "Up for 6 tone toni. cant go, sory" haha Oops. Luckily I got the subject line in as "Have to cancel run". She figured it out and said we'll go tomorrow.

I have my group tonight at 7:00 so no exercising likely to happen before that. So I will run tomorrow and get back to shredding on Thursday. I leave on a week's vacation on Saturday so... may realistically have to re-start my shredding for October (once I'm back the 4th) as I called our hotel and no DVD player for me to play my shred. BUT, never fear, I am going to see if my husband can copy it to my laptop (no DVD player on my little laptop either) so I can hook that up to the tv in the room. IF NOT, (I'm all about plans for exercising or I'll go the week doing nadda!!) there is a good gym at the hotel as it's a big one and my husband and I will take turns using it!!

Gotta run. Need to eat my oatmeal that I had to bring with me to work this morning. Everyone up late, everyone slow to get ready and of course, it was school pictures this morning so there I am trying to do "just small spikes Mommy, not really big like last time..." and "I want mine flat, but not like that, that looks dumb... no, you know, flat!" No I really don't know, I only got 3 hours sleep last night!! I was happy with my youngest hair and my oldest was happy with his (I was NOT) so... interesting to see how these pictures turn out.

Jen

What happened to the weekend?

2010-09-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Truly I don't know! No excuses but I just didn't get anything done... my workouts, life, anything. I felt like it was just there and gone and I got nothing accomplished. Well, I got my laundry done but even that is a hazy blur. Wow... weird weekend. Maybe it was the nasty grey rainy weather. My head is in cloud.

But, I still have today to get my challenge in so I will tonight after work. (as this morning was an even bigger bust than the weekend was - we all slept in, kids were late for school, I was REALLY late for work, forgot my cell phone, don't have a lunch... ugh...) Maybe it's because my husband is away. That throws me off my routines... or probably more likely it is the change in the light. I find it quite hard to get up when it is dark outside and slept far too late both days this weekend as... well, it was dark until pretty late and even when the sun was "up" it was dark and nasty out.

I think my kids must have felt it too as there was no movement from their rooms this morning and neither of them wanted to go to school. My little guy said "can I just get back into bed with you Mommy and we can sleep some more??" Oh I hear you buddy, I wanted to do the same. So I will drink some coffee and hope I can get my eyes all the way open soon. I am a little worried... I drove all the way to work this morning on auto-pilot... never good!

Jen

What's your music?

2010-09-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Just a bump for yesterday's post!! Any songs would be much appreciated.

I ran at 6am this morning. 2.5 degrees and DARK. I said to my running partner "does this make us hardcore now?". She said "sure if we were doing like 10K or something... I think we're still SOFTcore."

ROTFL!!!!!!

Jen

I'm a Loser baby...

2010-09-16T16:03:00.000-07:00

Nope, I didn't weight myself :) I'm listening to the Glee soundtrack and that song is one. DEEK!! LOL
I am feeling more positive about losing if that counts. I am not stepping on that scale until we switch to Level Three of the Shred but I think I will be back down to where I was when I started.

How is it that music just makes you feel better? I now have "Give Up the Funk" and I want to jump up and dance to it. Do you like listening to music while you workout? Well, specifically run but other stuff too I guess?

I am would LOVE to know what you listen to. What gets you going! I am always wanting to update my iPod.

Here's a few of mine:
Right Round - Florida
Mr Brightside The Killers
Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Summer Girl - The Stereos

PLEASE SHARE!!

Good day today for drinking... water, people, water!! And tea. I did a full bodum of my special tea (from a small company in Victoria called Silk Road). My husband swears if he drinks it all winter he doesn't get sick so... I'm down for trying that out.

Go get sweaty people! I have to take my son to Hapkido, eat dinner and then I Shred. And 6am run tomorrow.

Jen

Award

2010-09-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

I just spotted this! Thanks to Maranda at Glimpses of My Journey Thru Life. Made my day after the insident with the hitting of my SUV :)

I am supposed to list 10 things that make me happy.

Getting up early and doing my run
Hugs and kisses from my boys (the adult one included)
Being called Mommy
A really good Americano with Sugar-Free Vanilla in it
A good book and time to read it - especially on a cold, rainy day with a blanket!
Let's face it - when my clothes are loose :)
That feeling in your muscles when you've made a difference - tight but strong.
Hawaii - thinking about it, being there, looking at pictures - all make me happy
Listening to my son read a book - so proud of his ability
A good song on the radio I can sing along to.

Now to pass this on to 10 other people and brighten their day:

Syl @ Live Smile Run For torturing, uh, I mean pushing me on the Shred Challenge.
Heidi @ One Step at a Time For all her wonderful comments
Keelie @ Real Fat Cause I love reading her blog
Jennifer @ Weight Loss Journey - We are Getting Healthy For pushing through
Foodie Getting Fit For her humor
266 For showing me I can get from here to there
Googie @ Love Me For Who I Am New for me - I was instantly hooked
Jams @ Running My Mouth - New for me- she's showing me the other side
Conny @ Finding My Happy Place New for me - we have the same sense of humor (Shoe Porn!! and yes, please on the Lulu porn - I have some myself, LOL)
See How She Runs - New for me - For her determination and positive thoughts.

Happy thoughts to everyone! Go get sweaty!!

Jen

Shred done, Run done!

2010-09-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been quite an interesting last 15 hours or so. I got home from my son's martial arts class and dinner was NOT ready. So while that was happening, I went and did my Shred. Ow, ugh, grunt :) Level Two is HARD!!

I had dinner, showered and then had to clean my basement as we just had an electrician finish up our wiring down there (it was unfinished when we bought the house and we put up walls, etc this time last year). So there was stuff all over. Set up tables and had to prep a card for 21 people. Card group ready to go and I was up to bed by 10:15. Did I sleep? NO... not for most of the night. Not really sure why, just kept waking up or startling as I fell asleep. So likely about 2 hours total. UGH.

Up at 5:30 to be at my friends to run at 6:00am. We did just shy of 6K when you add in our warm-up/cool-down run. Trying to slowly decrease our times and increase our distances. All good considering how little sleep I got. Went home, had breakfast, showered, got ready, headed out to work.

Got rear-ended about 5 minutes away from work. Fantastic. Stopped at a light!! Seriously. Didn't hit me too hard but the screw from the guys license plate is stuck into my bumper and there is a nasty scrape/gouge.
NOT impressed.

But, I Shreded and ran :)

Jen

Best Laid Plans...

2010-09-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, my body didn't co-operate with me yesterday and I ended up going home from work with muscle spasms in my neck and shoulders. The chiropractor did tell me it might feel better and then worse... yesterday was the worse. A man who sees people for adjustments every day should not be able to look my neck (injured from slamming a trunk door on it!) and say "Good job! I mean, really, you REALLY did a good job on your neck." Geez. Isn't there WORSE people out there??

I luckily was due in again this morning and he did a LOT of work on me. The muscle spasms pulled my traps right down to my mid-back and over to my shoulder into a mess of knots - thus pulling all my vertebrae out of alignment. I can't say I've EVER heard that many happily slide back into place before. (all the way up from just under my shoulders to my necklike dominos falling over). Feeling better now if a bit sore and plan to Shred tonight (gently without the planks/push-ups still) and run tomorrow morning. Then I'll take a Shred break tomorrow (as I will have run) because I have my card group that night.

I was a raging nasty person this morning. I feel pretty ashamed of myself really. I was sore, cranky, didn't sleep well, upset about not getting ready for a lot of things again... so I rage around like bull. Not pretty. My husband seems to know when to just stay out of my way but... honestly, we are going to have to discuss his "morning routine" too. He gets up ridiculously early every morning but doesn't start dealing with the family stuff until 7:15am. That is not enough time and while I was up a bit late (and that is entirely my fault), I ended up making kids breakfasts, their lunches, etc and not getting myself ready. Our mornings have always been our worst family "habit" so we need to change that. We need to get the kids out even earlier now than before (dropping to daycare shuttle at 8:00am instead of at school at 8:30am) so we need a plan. I work well with a PLAN.

But, is it just me or does it make it even HARDER to get out of bed in the mornings when it is dark out?

Off to be productive.

Jen

Monday morning...

2010-09-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

It is deary and rainy out today... I would have likely to crawl back into bed and go to sleep. And really, more due to my poor planning and execution of my weekend than anything else. I didn't plan or go grocery shopping so this am, do I have anything for my lunch? NO! Do I have any plan for dinner tonight? NO!

I have to turn that around today at some point, making very good use of my coffee breaks and lunch. Then I will have to take my boys with me to the grocery store (punishment for my own stupidity unless I just get what I need for a couple days and go once their dad is back in town). And I need to Shred. And I need to watch the season finale of TrueBlood since my download didn't work last night. And I need finish prepping for my card group Wednesday. AHHHH.... again, my own stupidity.

I did Shred last night. Day 2 of Level Two. Ow... My arms are hurting right now as I TYPE! V-raises. Ouch. Sore. Oooo ahh.... :)

And I need to Shred tonight and run tomorrow morning. Haven't figured out yet if I will run and Shred?? Guess I'll see how I'm feeling. And I have to Shred Wed am as I have group at my house Wednesday night... so Tuesday am run, Tuesday pm Shred, Wed am Shred... wonder if that is pushing it too much or the stuff that sees results??

Gotta run, need to get to work so I have time to deal with my poor personal planning :)

Jen

A Happy Medium

2010-09-11T17:46:00.000-07:00

I would be a happy medium. Way happier than I was as an XL and happier than I am now at a L(ish). I would be over the moon to pick up a medium and have it fit. How can you tell I just saw a picture of myself from behind. Yes, the dreaded butt shot. And taken by my MIL so at the WORST possible angle (she has a talent for that!). It was... shocking. Upsetting, ego crushing and eye-opening. But, I used it to push forward and so...

I just finished my first day of Level Two of the Shred Challenge (no, my Shred It with Weights has not arrived yet!! Stupid Canada Post!!) Wow, groaning and grunting. And I had to unfortunately modify some of it cause there was a LOT of push-ups or planks in it. (Discovered plank has the same blinding head pain effect as push-ups!). But I did jumping jacks or a different ab exercise with the same intensity so I consider it a workout well done.

It's Saturday and I've desparately got to go take a shower now!

Jen

Day 10 - A frustrated shredder

2010-09-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

So, I was pushed off my shredding schedule by my chiropractor :( I smashed my head VERY hard two weeks ago with the trunk door of my SUV. I had a goose egg for over a week and headaches almost since then. What really was concerning me was the almost blinding pain I got trying to do push-ups. So I finally went into my chiropractor (a big scared to after I first hurt myself) and he was like "wow, good job on your neck". And after my adjustment - no working out for a couple days please! Crap. So I am going to run tomorrow morning and that is fine and should be back to Shredding that night too. But nothing last night or today for me. Bummer. But, his request so I will follow it.

Here's my results:

Measurements are:

Waist: 34 no change
Hips: 45 44.5 (1/2" less)
Thigh: 25.25 - 25 (1/4" less)
Calf: 16 no change
Upper Arm: 13 no change

Weight - up about 2lbs

But, I feel like my arms and waist are tighter and firmer so I am liking the changes. I feel like I have more muscles and it is all getting easier. Missing 2 days has not helped though. Sucks. I am fine with it though and will keep pushing once my neck is doing better.

Jen

A quick hello

2010-09-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Busy today but wanted to stop in and say hello. No shredding for me last night. My 5K walk/run seemed to be enough for my body so I listenned and gave it a rest. And I have a chiropractor appointment this afternoon for my sore neck and leg. I had a few days of bad sleep and all the tossing and turning seems to have stiffened me right up. As, I am sure, has all my shredding. Those arms raises in the third circuit... I am grunting by the end of the 2nd set :) I feel those in my delts!! Just seem to need 5lbers for the bicep curls, my 3 lbers are fine for everything else but those I feel almost stupid it is so easy. (the lunges accompanying the bicep curls are not so much but... want to feel the burn in my arms too!)

In a follow-up to my "review" yesterday... a great DVD for people who are interested in a beginning yoga practice that isn't about cardio would be Gaiam's Yoga for Weight Loss - AM & PM. or AM & PM for Beginners (you'll just love watching Rodney Yee) I have the first and love it. Slow, controlled movements with holding the poses. I find any Gaiam video is good really - I linked to Amazon for people to see what I'm talking about. A lot of explaining while you are doing it and very relaxing (well, I find it relaxing, but I am familiar with all the poses). I really like doing this on Sunday nights to relax and get ready for the new work week. The AM is great too - I just tend to Shred or run in the ams so don't do it often.

A bad eating night last night! Ack... I had pizza. And not the homemade variety either. I was tired, it was the kids first day back to school and I did a dumb thing. As soon as I ordered it I knew I'd done a dumb thing but then I just thought "screw it, I'm going to do a dumb thing just for this one meal!" And so I did, and regretted it later and later still when my tummy felt bloated and yucky. But one night in a month so... I guess I move on. All healthy today with cottage cheese, an apple, oranges, leftover pork tenderloin with bulgar (mmm... a super yummy slow cooker recipe if anyone is interested... mmmm, I can't wait for lunch).

Have a great day everyone. I plan on getting sweaty with Jillian tonight!

Jen

Review: Yoga Meltdown by Jillian Michaels

2010-09-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is my opinion :) Yours may vary wildly!

I noticed a bunch of comments from people wanting to know what I think when I receive the new "Shred It with Weights" DVD. So, while we wait for that, I thought I'd give you my review on the Yoga Meltdown DVD.

I have practiced yoga on and off for several years. Including a highly beneficial pregnant practice with my second child. (side note: I can do full peacock when 8 1/2 months pregnant. I will never be that flexible again!) Every time I take up my yoga practice, I note that my aches and pains diminish, my back doesn't hurt as much and I feel stronger, quieter in my mind and more centered. (yes, really!!).

Well, this video is NOT about any of that, LOL!! This is a WORKOUT. Don't let the yoga in the title make you think this is easy. I have not gone on to Level 2 and doubt I can for a considerable amount of time!

This video utilizes the amazing whole body strengthening that is yoga but uses those poses to add movement and interval training. Go into Warrior pose and up and down and up and down. All the killer leg strength work and cardio mixed into one. This is not an easy workout and I don't really think you need to have a yoga background to use this video. She is quite good (like in her shred workouts) at talking you through the poses and discussing the "do's and don'ts" of what you are doing. Toes in line with the in step of the other foot, watch the knee going to far to the right, etc.

However, if you have issues with your knees or wrists, this is not the DVD for you. There is a lot of movement and bending and you do some arm strength poses. I don't know about you, but this type of workout is the ONLY time I see a benefit in my overweight body - I have so much more to lift than a skinny person :)

Overall: 4/5 in my books
Sweat factor: 4.5/5
Sore factor: 5/5
Two thumbs up - great if you are looking for something different but I wouldn't do this everyday!

Jen

Happy "Back to School" and Hump Day!!

2010-09-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Back to school here in BC (well, my school district anyways) and just got back from my 2nd trip to the school. The boys were only in school from 8:40 to 10:15 and were supposed to just take the shuttle to daycare. BUT, their dad was all worried that he didn't say that to our eldest this morning and basically harassed me until I agreed to go back :) (text, cell phone call, call at work, email... you get the idea, all in a 45 minute time span). I went back and got a HUGE hug from my oldest who is very happy with his new teacher, new door to go in, all the boys his age in his class (in a VERY crappy 1/2 split last year - he was the only Gr 2 boy!). He was like "oh yah, Mommy, I know... I go to the flagpole and go on the daycare shuttle. No problem. I do it all the time??!!" Like I am some dumb woman and he is talking really slow so I get it. Gotta love 8 year olds!

My little one... another story. Happy about all the kids he loves (I call them his "posse") being in his class and fine with his teacher since he got all these kids. (wanted my elder son's teacher from last year cause she's pretty and young and ... well, pretty!). As I went to check on him, he comes out of the school with his hands over his eyes and I was like "uh oh!!". Turns out he lost his water bottle and couldn't find it and ... I think a bit overwhelmed with it all as the transition from Kindergarten to Grade one is a big one. But we found the water bottle no problem in the lost and found - had rolled out of his side pocket of the backpack - and got outside to wait for the shuttle. A friend of his was there and once she started goofiing around in front of him, he was fine. Thank goodness for 6 year old girls with crushes. Very distracting for an upset 6 year old boy ;)

And now back to school is done again for another year! Tomorrow is their first full day and I am sure I will have two very tired little boys by the end of the day. Usually first few weeks they sleep like 12 hours a night and are cranky by bedtime. Okay by me... no more fighting to get them to turn off lights and stop reading/playing/listening to music. The one benefit to summer being over.

And it's hump day. Middle of the week. Only two more work days to get through and then it's the weekend again. Actually only 1 1/2 for me as I get Friday afternoons off. Yay. I got up and tried to run this am but it wasn't that successful. My bad ankle was quite sore and that knee throbbing. Think a trip to the chiropractor is needed! Or new shoes. I'll figure out which :)

Have a great hump day! So far, so good... except I left my Starbucks out in my SUV. I'm going to get it in about 45 minutes and will warm it up. Now to finally get some work done :)

Jen
PS Did my shred last night! See ---->>>>

A quickie :)

2010-09-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

Just to say... it's September and that means fall decorating to me!! So enjoy my new blog background. I just love the cat and the "fence-like" bottom half.

AND... I ordered the "Shred It with Weights" DVD that was released today. I pre-ordered with Chapters online last week and it shipped on Friday. So might even have it tomorrow. I look forward to trying that out! Yikes. (as I've said before, try her Yoga Meltdown DVD too! It is killer! If you've done some yoga before, that would be helpful but it is doing the poses with movement... have I said "ouch" yet. I still feel it from Saturday afternoon!)

Jen

A gain... but I think in a good way...

2010-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

I saw a small gain on my scale last night but... I think likely for a good reason - more muscle. I can FEEL that my body is already reacting to the Shred (almost daily... supposed to be daily!) and my running and yesterday with the swimming. My sides feel "tighter" and my arms are starting to look different... even when I am stretching in the morning I can tell my arms are different. It feels weird to be they aren't squishier :)

Yesterday we took our boys to the pool (boy was it busy) and they wanted to go in the "river" almost the entire time. I figured I might as well take advantage of this monotony (seriously, as an adult how fun is going around and around and around in the pool river for an hour!). I used that time as a leg exercise and was really pushing with each step against the water. My youngest needed me with him so each time he'd catch the current, I would do some water running. Then back to the slow motion walking against the water. I was really feeling it by the time we left and was pretty proud I didn't just use that time to float around. And I feel my legs this morning, that is for sure. And my arms as I was holding on and pulling and pushing a 50lb kid that whole time too (my 6 yr old is huge - people think he is my 8 yr old's twin!).

Back to the gain... rather than be discouraged by that (although I did my standard eating something stupid trick over the weekend... ahhhhh) I am going to keep moving forward. I find I get worried or scared or something when a big change is coming or is noticed. I haven't figured out why yet but I now realize I am doing it and pull myself back. So I had two bad eating days (well, really two bad late night snacks and fine eating days!) and I am already putting myself firmly back on track. I had my standard breakfast and brought a yogurt and fruit for my snack. I'm not prepped for meals this week yet (should have done that yesterday) but am going home at lunch to make something healthy.

And one last thing... thanks for all the comments on Sunday's entry. Getting support and advise and validation... well, let's be real, it feels good and it helps. So thank you. I think you guys are right. I just have to keep pushing and if I need someone to help push me then... I need someone to help push me right now. The main thing is I'm doing and I know I need that push. The endurance and self-motivation will come. It will, I know it will and I can't wait! (and I won't, I'll keep working on it!)

Jen

My Labour Day 5K

2010-09-05T17:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I went this morning and ran my 5K "race" with my friend. It was weird to be out there with so many people again. We usually run just the two of us and aren't that worried, until I hit stop on my run tracker, about our time. We try to run it all, we do a route so we know the distance and really... we've only made noises about getting faster. But today we kicked it up a notch and did our 5K in 35:32. For me, that is an absolutely amazing time. I am incredibly proud of it.

BUT... (cause I am honest here) I am very sure I could have done it faster. We walked at the half way mark just to take a drink. Then I dropped to fast walk like 3 more times on the way in. If it wasn't for the lady behind us who I refused to let get in ahead of us (a whole other story!)... I don't think we'd have made that time.

So, now, I plan on spending some time looking at that. What do I need to do to find that well inside of me that I can draw on when I need a push. A push from me not from a supportive friend. Running with someone is great but... I think part of this journey to healthy for me is finding a way to do it for me. I am not there yet... not sure how to get there. And that is okay. I have spend a bit of time being upset at myself. Then proud. Then sad that I didn't "pull out all the stops". Then feeling ridiculous as in June at our 5K we ran it in 39 minutes. And this time in 35:32. Come on now, that is a great improvement.

But... if I went to run it tomorrow... could I push myself to do it in 35 again? I'm not so sure. And... I need to get sure to move on. I think this is my plateau hurdle. I get over this and I'll start sliding down the other side. And I so desperately, after almost 20 years of being overweight, want to start sliding down the other side. Maybe it's my birthday (tomorrow) talking but... I don't plan to spend another year of my life overweight and unhealthy. So I will start figuring out what I need to do to push deeper and farther and faster on my own. And... yes, I will still appreciate and embrace a little help from my friends.

Jen
EDIT: PS So I pulled out a little of that "Can-do" I'm working on and did my Shred Challenge - I did my Yoga Meltdown with Jillian though as I wasn't up to so much jumping. I was sweating, grunting and called her a "B*#$%" by the end though so I think I got in just as good of a work out!

Feeling more like myself today!

2010-09-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm back to feeling like I can kick some weight-loss butt today. Having a rough afternoon yesterday I guess. Life just feels pretty overwhelming at times and I guess I gotta let it out and then move on! I even felt a lot better just writing it down and reading my frustrating. Venting on a keyboard... who knew that would help :)

So, I was feeling better and I went home and did my Shred challenge. Another day in. And didn't feel too bad either. DEFINITELY need heavier weights. I have my very wimpy 2lbers and that is not enough for biceps, shoulder press, etc. By the end, the shoulder raises, that is very much so feeling like enough but... not enough for most. AND... dum, da da dum... I almost did a real push-up. Not a girlie push-up from my knees, a REAL push-up. My nemesis for 20 years - couldn't do them in elementary, junior or high school. Couldn't do them as an adult. So have been trying for a few months to get there and I think by the end of the Shred... I'll be able to do a couple. Can't wait. Keep working on my arms and chest and it will come.

AND, just to prove I have my faith back in this process, I have 4 pairs of pants now waiting in my closet for me to lose the next 10 lbs. I found an amazing sale and bought them all one size down. I've done this twice before and am wearing them all now so... I can do it again. And then again and then again. And then I'll be my goal size!! So really.... not that hard to do, right ???!!! LOL! (yah, it will be a LOT of hard work!)

I have my 5K run on Sunday... with fighting this cold all week, not sure how that is going to go but... I know I can do a 5K. I know I can always walk for a block and have a drink so... I just go do my best. I would really like to get in under the 39 minutes of June's run. And with us walking to warm-up prior to the race, I'm pretty sure we can do it. And I will take my inhaler first!! (helps immensely).

And I realized I haven't written down my food for a few days. I have not fallen too far off the wagon. I've made these "Clean" cookies a few times in the last couple weeks. I eat them all at once so, I won't do that again. One as a treat is okay, eating 3 or 4 cause I am tired, not okay. But getting in all the rest of the good stuff and late night, couch sitting, tv watching eating happening at all!

You can see what I have been taking in up top!!

Jen

2 in one day...

2010-09-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

You know, I feel like weight loss is a roller coaster of emotion. I think I am having a low blood sugar moment (realized I didn't eat my lunch yet... doing so right now) but I am upset. I am upset because after all the running and watching my diet... I haven't lost weight in months! MONTHS!

And then I think... how much did I watch my diet? Have I increased the intensity of my workouts? Have I gone (more than once or twice) more than the 5K I concurred months ago. And if I'm honest, I am stopping once or twice during the 5K for water. I should be running the entire thing and kicking it up a K or two if I want to see results.

Sorry, this is extremely non-inspirational but... GEEZ, this is hard. And no one but me can get me to do these things. And you know what? I'm tired... I work full-time, I have two kids, a husband who travels a lot, I teach card groups and scrapbook groups and the kids have activities and need to go to the dentist and doctor and hair cuts and, and, and... Maybe I just needed to say it outloud! Cause I wrote all that, and it's all true and then some. But, which part would I want to stop having/doing? Not work - well sure, but then I'd have to give up my nice house and having some spending money each pay and likely scrapbooking. My kids. Never in a million years. My boys feed my heart on a daily basis. How you can love someone who drives you absolutely insane most of the time and love them MORE each day? I just didnt' realize that was possible until I had my kids. My husband. NEVER. If my kids feed my heart, my husband feeds my soul. Every single day in some way. Would I give up teaching my card and scrapbook groups? Nope. I love doing it. I love seeing my friends and making new ones. I love being creative and let's be honest, I feels good when people like what I've prepped for them to make. And when they light up when they learn something new. And last... do I give up prepping healthy meals or getting up at 5:30am to exercise? Well, I guess I can. If I want to be 300lbs by the time I'm 45. Cause, if I do the math... that is likely where I would have been if I hadn't started running last spring.

So, I guess I needed to just have my little pity party, take a look in the mirror and now... SUCK IT UP cause life is good and I just need to breathe.

Jen

Here I go again... but not on my own :)

2010-09-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry, my husband has been playing Journey alot while he works :) I can hear it just kinda sorta while I watch tv at night and I think it gets into my subconscious. I should get him to play the Biggest Loser song "What have you done today... to make you feeeeeellll proud!!" That song (this is stupid) makes me tear up all the time. I don't know why exactly but it always does!!!

Anywho... on to more important things. No Shred (YET) today, cause I ran at 6am. Plan to do it tonight (yes, I think I'm insane too to try both... if it is too much I will not shred on running days).

Here's me at 5:56am waiting for my running partner. What else do you do but take pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror? haha... I was getting my RunKeeper program ready on my phone (tracks us with the GPS and tells us distance, speed, etc and then keeps a log for me) and thought why not take a picture in my new running jacket. It is a teensy bit too tight (but the running tights are too big so... I thought I better buy the jacket a size down and just deal with a bit tight for a couple months!)

Oh, the tummy. I will be so happy to say good-bye to my spare tire!! It is going down, but it is more deflating than going away. I hope my skin catches up! (see side picture from yesterday... extra skin sort of hanging over my underwear now... eeewwww..... LOL)

I am going to post my exercise in a log along the top. Be ACCOUNTABLE for my Shred Challenge. I will do that quick and then.... I'm off to chapters.ca to see about pre-ordering the new SHRED DVD. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT. (I really am!) Just an FYI, her Yoga Meltdown DVD... don't let the "yoga" in the title fool you!. I was sweating and swearing at her by the time I was done. It is a very good workout and I was feeling it the next day! ALOT.

Jen

EDIT: I moved Goals up to the top and posted the September Shred challenge on the right side!

Shred Challenge

2010-09-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, it is 10 days for each level. Think I will be getting that Shred with Weights and mix that in. Think Syl will mind? I might throw something through my tv. I also have her Yoga Meltdown DVD which is the same length.

Pictures and measurements to be posted here tonight...

Here's the shots. Post SHRED!! Booo-yaaaaa baby. Did it and the easiest session yet (believe me I was sweating and grunting but didn't think I was going to die). I am excited for day 10 pictures... who wants to see my guns on day 10, LOL.

(someone is riding an endorphin high at the moment!!)

My run tomorrow at 6am. Going to try doing 1 minute fast intervals and our normal jog for the rest. Trying to improve our time and thought this was a good way to get faster. We'll lengthen the fast intervals and shorten the jogs as we get better.

Can I just say YUCK on that back shot. First one I've ever taken. YUCK. And this is 20lbs down!!

Measurements are:

Waist: 34

Hips: 45

Thigh: 25.25

Calf: 16

Upper Arm: 13

Jen

I'm fighting it, I'm fighting it...

2010-09-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

A cold, I'm fighting it. Didn't get up to exercise this morning but will do something tonight cause I have to keep in my routine. And I am running tomorrow. Even if I have to do it through a sinus medication haze. I think breaking a good sweat helps you fight off minor stuff like a cold bug. And my 5K is on Sunday morning... we really want one more run in before that. None of us are going to a miracle - the 35 minute 5K is very likely not happening. The training just hasn't happened. Some of that our fault, most of it the circumstances of the summer. We all wanted to run together so... if we had run apart... we could have all got in enough training. Enough said. I am accountable for the lack of training!!

I am super excited today (well, as of an hour ago...) Jillian Michaels is releasing a new DVD!! Shred with Weights!!! AHHHHH.... super excited.

OH CRAP, Syl's challenge starts today. Okay, I am doing the Shred DVD tonight. I almost forgot. She posted a challenge over at Live Smile Run to do the Shred for 2 straight months each day and I took her up on it. I just realized this is September. OOPS. Gotta get with it.

We're doing Level 1 for two weeks, Level 2 for two weeks, Level 3 for two weeks and repeat. Or something like that. Haha, I gotta go look. September just snuck the heck up on me!

Go get sweaty people. I will be grunting and groaning my way through tonight and didn't take my befores or measurements for the challenge yet either. CRAP. You'll be seeing those tonight or tomorrow too... I HATE taking pictures :) And it won't be in a bikini or anything... SOOO, not ready to post something like that. Might take some for me though.

Jen

And I felt better...

2010-08-31T11:13:00.000-07:00

This morning, my alarm went off at 5:30am. I groaned. I smacked the snooze, I groaned again. I turned off my iPhone alarm (back up plan, it has a REALLY annoying beep so good incentive to get up and turn it off before it goes off, haha). I got up. I slogged to the bathroom. I got changed. I groaned again. Down the stairs slowly. Groan as I bend over in the chair to lace my shoes. Another, larger and louder this time, groan as I notice it is raining. I eat an apple. I charge my phone for 10 minutes while eating said apple (cause the alarm had drained it) and off I go.

I attempt a positive self-talk/pep-talk during the short drive to my running partner's house. I get there... no running partner. Then she comes out with her youngest in the running stroller... she's been up with crying 12 month old since 5:00am. Any whining I was going to do did not happen. She won there!

We start. My legs feel like lead. I am worried about my asthma as this is first run since the "attack" of last week. Then, I start feeling my muscles warm up and my gait gets easier. My partner wants a walk break, I think... "I'm okay to keep going but no problem." We run some more. I hit my standard and frustratingly everytime 3.5K wall. Luckily this is only 1 1/2 blocks before she wants to walk again (we only walk ONE block each time, water break really). We run again and then at about 4.3K she wants to walk the rest (we did 4.75K according to my phone) as she has to shower right away and doesn't want to still be sweating heavily. I was okay to keep going. Huh.

And on my drive home... I think "Well, I feel better now!!" So, Thursday I do this all again (and hopefully we do 6K or something) and I will work on reminding myself how good I feel AFTER my runs when that 5:30am alarm goes off :)

Jen

PS and I got to wear my new running jacket (SUPPOSED to be my reward for hitting 180lbs but... I found it and I loved it and my old one is pretty big and... Oh, let me just be honest, it was pretty)

A few pictures

2010-08-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

Here's half of my normal breakfast now... (the other half is 3 egg whites and 1 egg scrambled)

Here's a lunch from last week. Homemade sweet potato fries, roasted cauliflower (really, really yummy that way BTW!!) and a roasted chicken sandwich on Ancient Grains bread.

Also, a goal dress I would LOVE to look good in!

I'm currently trying to find a goal bathing suit... I'll post that when I find it. EDIT: this is fairly cute, but not it. Way too low cut on the bottom!! I'll find it eventually.

Jen

Monday, Monday....

2010-08-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

Oh why did you have to come around so fast again? Ugh... I was really enjoying my weekend but now that is is Monday I look back and see... NO EXERCISE. Geez, woman, you have a plan, follow the damn plan!
(sorry, yelling at myself is motivating sometimes and just gets it out rather than me wallowing in it all day). And the light is going... eek... need to get myself firmly into my morning get up routine cause getting up in the dark is my nemesis! I SUCK at it. Or, do I suck at it because I say I suck at it ... (kind of like the tree in the woods question, isn't it?!)

Anyways, I did a little cheat last night and felt like crap this morning because of it. Lesson learned again. And it was much farther in between since the last stupid cheap so... good on me. Maybe it is finally sinking in (eat at 10:00 at night and make it sugar-laden food and you feel like a vibrating, headachy, nasty MESS the next morning!!!).

So, tonight, I do something... what should I do? Exercise... what kind. I'm running tomorrow morning. Really hope my lungs are ready for it. Had such a nasty few days where even the stairs winded me badly. It was scary.... cause I used to be like that anyways! Not just when my asthma was acting up. I remember my mom asking me why I was so "breathy" on the phone... hard to admit because I went up a set of stairs while talking on the phone and it affected me so much. Anyways, what should I do? I don't want to Shred cause that really makes me sore and I want to get in a good long run (well, long for me at the moment!!). Yoga? Pilates? Maybe Pilates... maybe both again as the pilates core workout plus the "Yoga for Weight-Loss Evening Program" together make me nice and relaxed and I sleep great. Then I can get up at 5:30am to be out for my run at 6:00!!

Here's my food for today: (BTW I'm going to try to post these along the top, no idea how to do that yet...
(posted on top now)
Jen

Time heals... but do we forget?

2010-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

That sounds really ominous doesn't it? But, throughout this process or maybe, work in progress LOL, I've had to look at why I am the way I am. Really examine the reasons I got to be the size I was, the reasons why I've failed in the past. If I don't learn from the experiences, what was the point of them?

So, here's an experience I remember from when I was a kid. I am pretty sure I was eleven. Right before my parents moved our family across the country (Canada) from Ontario to BC. I was at my aunt's house (who was like my 2nd mom, and if I'm honest with myself, the house when I was growing up, wished I got to live in). I was 11 and always wanted to be where the adults were so I was pretending to play my aunt's organ (NO idea why they bought an organ and not a piano but anyways....) but really I just had the volume off but headphones on so I could listen to what the adults were saying (yes, I was a smart and sneaky kid).

Well, wish I hadn't been that day. I was eleven. I was VERY close to puberty. Breast buds, a bit chunky and literally 6 months away from a MASSIVE change in my body where I started my period and grew almost 10 inches in about 3-4 month period. (and then was a 5"5' 115lb size 5 13 year old!!) Anyways, I heard someone. Think it was likely this favourite aunt because it had such a big impact... "Wow, she sure is big now, isn't she?"

Now, I look back to this seared in my brain memory and realize... I was 11. I was growing, I was on the brink of becoming a teenager, a young woman. My family was likely discussing (like I do now, ALL THE TIME) commenting on how this child that they all remembered as a baby like it was only yesterday, was getting to be so much older, taller, bigger. I took it as... I was BIG. And thus starts a 23 year (so far) body image issue.

I had been going to school everyday feeling fine. Like a kid, like who the hell cares what I am wearing or doing. Never once thinking about how my clothes fit (I did REALLY want a Roots sweatshirt though. All the rage in Ontario in the late 80s but my family couldn't afford it). I started grade 7 in a new province, away from having literally a 100 family members around all the time, with a dad who was soon to get sick and never really recover, with a mom who came pretty close (at least it seemed so at the time) to a mental breakdown from the stress and I felt FAT for the first time in my entire life.

I would shop with my mom and she would say "wow, I can't believe you need that size." or "wow, this is as big as what I wear..." AGAIN, giving my mom of the benefit of the doubt (because, as I'll likely end up discussing another time, it wasn't always the case later on) she was amazed her baby girl was 12 and getting to be so big. Big as in tall and aging into a teenager. AGAIN, not big as in fat. I was chunky. At 125lbs and being about 4"7'-ish... I was your typical pre-adolescent, hovering on the brink of puberty and a huge growth spurt, chunky 12 year old girl.

I have carried that image around with me through high school, university, marriage, two pregnancies and a broken ankle that required no weight baring for 7 weeks. Through trying to learn to run, through diets, through clothes shopping and past every mirror I have ever looked in. It was like I did my best to make my physical image match my mental image. If I was already big, did it matter if I ate bad foods or hit the Dairy Queen once a day in the summer\? Nope, already fat.

Well, I am working on changing that now. I am working extremely hard on that mental image. I work on visualizing myself running and doing well. I try to celebrate every small victory I make as I know if I keep going, they will add up to big ones. And apparently it is starting to work. Twice now I've woken up almost crying because I'd had a dream and in it... I saw myself healthy and slim. If my sub-conscious mind is starting to get it... well, then I guess I am making real progress.

Jen

Thursday - blah and a big thanks

2010-08-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for all your comments on my post Tuesday. It meant a lot to have that support and advise. I was worried I was being too sensitive and a very sensitive topic (for me anyways...). It really helped to hear from others and feel a bit justified on my hurt feelings.

So, where was I yesterday? On the band wagon :) LOL Well, I was most of the day, you'll see, I did a dumb thing. I was at a course all day and planned to come post my meals last night but I was in mind meltdown. Done like burnt toast! That is when the dumb thing occured. Stupid, stupid.

Here's yesterday:

Breakfast
LP: egg whites with one egg
CC: 5 grain cereal with honey, grd flaxseed and blueberries
Drink: decaf coffee with milk, water

Mid-morning
LP: yogurt
HF: dry roasted almonds
Drink: water

Lunch
LP: salmon leftovers and turkey and bacon in a 1/2 club wrap (from my course)
CC: greens with tomato/peppers/cucumber, lettuce and tomato from wrap, nectarine
Drink: water

Mid-afternoon
LP Hummus
CC peppers, cauliflower, cucumbers (YUMMY, I love hummus)
Drink: water

Dinner
LP roasted chicken
CC sweet potato fries, ?? I'm blanking.... I was tired... another veggie... a salad!! I made a salad
HF: olive oil from vinegrette
Drink: water

Evening
Stupid nasty food - ice cream bar!! DUH. Dumb choice... moving on...

Jen

So what do you do with a nay-sayer?

2010-08-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

I have a girl (should say lady but her behaviour is not very lady-like!) who is a nay-sayer. About me losing weight and getting healthy to be specific (although, in general, pretty darn negative). On several occasions, she has made several pretty pointed, and to me, RUDE "observations" about my appearance - or to be specific my lack of a change in appearance. For example:

- I got new bras, felt like it really made a difference and I went down TWO cup sizes. She says "hmm... you don't look any different to me? Are you sure they sized you right the first time?"

- I bought new pants that were two sizes smaller than what I had been wearing two months earlier. Comment "Really? You don't look like you've gotten that much smaller."

- Yesterday, I mention I wanted to sell my running jacket as it is a unisex size L that I bought last spring - TOO big. "Do you really need a new one? It can't be that big on you since last year??"

My responses to date:

- "Gee, thanks, that really makes me feel good." (walk away)
- "well, I have... " (lamely trailing off and looking uncomfortable)
- "well, 20lbs difference does tend to make your clothes fit a little bit different, you know!!"

Advise? Comments? Suggestions? She is the type of person that if I confronted her... she'd literally stop talking to me and make my work life very uncomfortable. Think my responses (well the first and third... the second was LAME) are enough. I also know I will NOT speak to her about my exercise, weight loss or the side effects there of again. It is not worth drawing her comments out. I will discuss with my FRIENDS who encourage me.

I know her well enough to know she wants to lose some weight too but she goes about it by starving herself, skipping meals or only eating soup for a month. (she does run inside ALOT) And when I order healthy stuff in restaurants or refuse stuff at meetings, she will be the first to push, push, push. I deal with that pretty good. "yup, just call me a rabbit!" or "no thanks. You go right ahead though.". I am chosing to make a lifestyle change and my eating habits will FOREVER be different. Not just while I try to lose weight. If I went right back to what I was doing... well, that is the definition of Stupid, isn't it?! Keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Well, actually, just writing that made me feel better. Didn't realize I was holding onto my anger from yesterday until I started writing this. I feel better letting it out and letting it go.

Jen

Good morning grey sky, good morning no smoke!!

2010-08-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just rain clouds making it grey today and the smoke is almost gone. HURRAY. Went for an outside run at 6am and boy was that nice. Very crisp and clean out from the rain (luckily it wasn't raining while we ran) and while my lungs are still recovering (had to walk a very frustrating 4 times for about a minute to give my clogged asthmatic lungs a break) we still did 5.28KM. My RunKeeper on my iPhone tracks us and gives us GPS tracking, time for run and pace. A fairly nasty 8.29min/KM but.. we did walk 4 times. Once I recover fully, we are going to kick it up a notch and try for our 35min 5K!!

I also did Level 1, 30 day shred DVD last night. Boy, what a pain in the butt that was! I REALLY didn't want to workout. I wanted to be LAZY as I had stayed up really late the night before on the phone with a friend. But, I had got changed right after work (a little tip that helps) so downstairs I trug. The stereo for some reason wouldn't play the sound on the DVD (and that DVD takes a long time to get through to the menu!!). Turn it all off. Turn it all on. No workie. Call in my husband AKA techie guy. He fiddles for like 15 minutes (about 25 minutes in now). No go. So I go upstairs which I didn't want to do cause I have to do jumping jacks and all that and it shaked stuff! That stupid DVD player won't let me do any shortcuts to the menu like the one downstairs will so I am SWEARING by the time I get to her talking and still can't just cut to the damn menu to start. WHEW. Unresolved anger there :) Got it in and was swearing and panting at the end which is great. And didn't have an issue getting through the first cardio piece (well didn't have trouble pushing myself to get through it) so that is already an improvement from last go around!

I updated my food for last night and here's today's menu. Watch for exciting homemade soup and leftovers from last night. The taco meatballs.... to DIE for. Seriously. I made yummy noises. If anyone is interested, I can put the recipe on here. YUM-MY!

Breakfast
LP: 3 eggs whites, 1 egg scrambled
CC: steel cut oats /w grd flaxseed, sucanat and blueberries, small amt red onion and peppers in eggs
HF:
Drinks: water, decaf coffee with milk.

Mid-morning meal
LP: strawberry Activia yogurt
CC: 2 mini blueberry muffins (clean variety baked at home)
HF: (almonds in muffin)
Drinks: water (behind today, haven't even got in my first liter!)

Lunch
LP: taco meatballs (turkey with black beans... mmm mm mmm), greek yogurt
CC: green salad /w tomatoes and peppers, salsa
HF: almonds as dessert
Drinks: water! trying to catch up

Mid-afternoon meal
LP:
CC:
HF:
Drinks:

Dinner
LP:
CC:
HF:
Drinks:

Avatar attempt

2010-08-23T16:23:00.001-07:00

Just ignore this :)

Edit: And it actually worked :) Signed up for the EatCleanDiet Forum and wanted a "Buttercup" as my picture :) So if any of you ever go with the Eat Clean lifestyle, look me up. My user name is the same!

3lb weight loss = I'm weak, I peeked!

2010-08-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

So, I wasn't going to look at my scale but honestly, after 4 days of eating clean, I seriously felt like I had lost a lot of "bloat" and wanted to see if I was crazy or not. And I am officially NOT. 3 lbs down from when I looked last (1 1/2 weeks ago). And I took the news a bit differently than I usually do. I didn't do a happy dance like I would have before, I actually went "oh, thought so..." and got off. Hmmm.... I'll think on that before I offer up any grand or sweeping statements on my possible scale maturity :)

How'd I do this weekend? Well, didn't exercise Saturday unless you count all the sweating I did cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping and running around like a crazy person making dinner for 8 people. :) I did however do a 10 minute pilate core program and a 35 minutes yoga for evening program last night (back to back). I FELT that!! The core one really pushed your abs and lower back and it was BURNING!! The yoga felt good and now that I've been doing it atleast 1-3 times a week my flexibility is improving. Not where I used to be, but improving. I can FEEL some muscles getting stronger too (under my non-lean layer of insulation) which is really fantastic.

AND.... the smoke is finally clearing up so I might attempt a short run tonight and see how it goes. Still not great downtown but up where I live it was blue skies!

Food: weekend, really super duper awesome! I only "cheated" twice. I had one glass of white wine with dinner Saturday (the diet is try to avoid alcohol) and had about two small scoops of the homemade ice cream our company brought with them that same night. But eating clean and doing prep work the rest of the weekend. Had my 5 small meals and feeling good. Only needed to pop a piece of dark chocolate once (which is allowed occasionally) on Friday night while watching a movie with the kids. And only because my "habit" is to be snacking, snacking, snacking while watching a movie, whether I am hungry or not. So need to break that habit!

Food today:

Breakfast
LP: 3 egg whites, 1 egg scrambled
CC: 5 grain cereal with grd flaxseed with small drizzle of honey
HF: slivered almonds (on cereal)
Drink: water

Mid-morning meal
LP: 1/2 protein bar
CC:
HF: handful of almonds
Drink: water

Lunch
LP: egg salad, sm amt cottage cheese and skim milk (in place of mayo - REALLY good)
CC: greens, multi-grain flaxseed mini pita, homemade baked sweet potato fries (leftovers)
HF:
Drink: water

Mid-afternoon meal
LP: grilled chicken (1/2 breast)
CC: broccoli and asparagus (dinner leftovers!)
HF: pine nuts (in broccoli)
Drink: WATER!!! Moving onto 3rd liter now.

Dinner
LP: taco meatballs (grd turkey, black beans, taco seasoning, in a word YUMMY!!)
CC: green salad/tomatoes/roasted peppers/greek yogurt/mango-peach salsa clean blueberry muffin (oats, grd flaxseed, ww flour, honey, canola oil, almonds)
HF: almonds in muffin (not much)
Drink: water

Before bed snack (and after my Level 1 30 day shred)
LP
CC blueberry muffin
Drink: water

Jen

TGIF ... doesn't mean the clean eating disappears!

2010-08-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

Constant problem, the weekend hits, my defences against bad eating go down. No longer! I know what I can eat and that is what I will!! I'm going to keep listing my eating on here (likely won't over the weekend as I'm not on the computer much).

Friday's Meals:

Breakfast
LP - 3 egg whites, 1 egg
CC - 1/2 cup oatmeal cooked in 1 cup water, blueberries/very sm amt Sucanat added. Red onion and red pepper in eggs
HF - olive oil, almond slivers in oatmeal, 2 tbsp flax seed meal in oatmeal
Drink - decaf coffee with splash milk, H2O

Mid-morning snack
LP - 1/2 protein bar
CC
HF
Drink - water
Lunch
LP - tuna
CC - greens, berries
HF - balsamic vinegrette, goat cheese
Drink - water

Mid-afternoon snack
LP - vanilla yogurt
CC - gala apple
HF - slivered almonds in yogurt
Drink - water

Dinner
LP
CC
HF
Drink

Mid-evening Snack....

EXERCISE: 35 minutes of yoga at 6:30am! Felt really good. My asthma is now such that doing any cardio (if my basement wasn't choked with smoke!!) is out of the question. I am going to see if my running partner wants to go pump some iron (LOL) on Saturday morning instead!

Jen

Thursday's tally

2010-08-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

Just going to keep updating this... figure why write it out manually and type it.. I can just use this to keep track and keep HONEST :) (honest with myself!)

Breakfast
LP - egg whites, sm amt turkey cut up
CC - multi-grain/flex breakfast pita, red onion, red pepper
HF - olive oil, 1 tbsp grated cheddar
Drinks - decaf coffee with milk from home, 1 L water over morning

Mid-morning
nothing - wasn't hungry

Lunch
LP - cut up turkey breast
CC - raspberries, spring greens
HF - balsamic vinegrette, approx 1-2 tbsp goat cheese crumbled
Drinks - water
+ peanut butter fudge ball - Eat Clean recipe (3 scoops whey protein, scoop unsweetened cocoa powder, 4 tbsp peanut butter, 2/3 cup flaxseed powder, water. mix, chill - I put in mini muffin tins for small treat)

Mid-afternoon Snack
LP - strawberry Activia yogurt
CC - blueberries
HF - handful of almonds
Drinks water, water, water :)

Dinner
LP - pork tenderloin
CC - basmati rice, greens salad with berries
HF - balsamic vinegrette
Drinks - water

Evening Snack (know I'm going to the movies, taking Smart Food popcorn with me in my purse, haha)
LP - none
CC - white cheddar popcorn, one square dark chocolate
HF -
Drinks - water

EXERCISE - NIL plan - 30 day shred tomorrow early am!! (Please, please let this smoke clear!!!)

Jen

So, how's the plan coming along??

2010-08-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Pretty decent. No exercise today - I slept in as we went to a Bryan Adams concert last night - and I'm going out to a movie tonight with some friends (wow, 2 school nights out in one week!! That is a record for me!!)

I still can't run... the air quality here is labeled "Very High Health Risk" and "the general population should avoid prolonged periods outside". And I have asthma. They've been asking me to just hibernate basically for days :) This is due to forest fires. Very, very nasty. No threat at all to where I live, it is 3 hour drive away. But the smoke is just sitting over my city and hanging on. Check this out! and this picture!!!!

That is daytime and literally what it looks like outside my office building right now. (it's 10:00am!!)

And here's my food from yesterday:

Breakfast
LP (lean protein) - 2 eggs
CC - (complex carb) - bun (not a good one unfortunately, Starbucks drivethru cause I was so late!)
HF (healthy fat) BOOO had bacon and cheese on it!
Drinks - decaf coffee with milk, 1L of water

Mid-Morning Booster
LP - vanilla Activa yogurt
CC - red grapes
HF - almonds
Drinks - 1/2 L of water

Lunch
LP - chicken cordon bleu (leftovers)
CC - balsamic rice (not brown, boo), broccoli
HF - cheese
Drinks - 1/2L of water

Mid-afternoon
LP - none
CC - red grapes
HF - almonds
Drinks - 1/2 L of water

Dinner
LP - chicken teriaki
CC - grilled veggies (red pepper, zucchini, mushrooms, broccoli), tempura veggies (only 4) sweet pot, zucc
HF - canola oil from veggies/unhealthy tempura batter fried

Before bed - nothing

Jen

Giveaway shout out!!

2010-08-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Tricia over at Endurance Isn't Only Physical is having a great giveaway of a Sugoi sports bra. Go check it out!! She swears by this bra and it I am pretty tempted to try it out myself. It isn't a $100 (only $55 CAN) and comes in pretty colours. I'm needing a new one so... fingers crossed for me :)

Go here:
http://enduranceisntonlyphysical.blogspot.com/2010/08/sugoi-review-and-giveaway.html

Now if this doesn't cure me of frappuccinos...

2010-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Here's some honestly for you. I haven't posted pictures in a while. This one, not so bad...

I was up at 6:00ish and went and did 30 minutes of yoga. (had planned to do 30 min shred but...realized both my sports bras were in the washer - wet!! When you are a 36D, you do NOT do jumping jacks and jump rope without a sports bra on!!) The yoga felt good. I had had stress dreams all night... some "decisions" to make in our professional lives coming soon and obviously I am a bit more worried about it than I thought. The breathing techniques and standing poses helped centre me a bit and calm me down. If only this headache would fully go away!

Okay, now to the picture that will help me NOT buy a frappuccino today (and just to point out, I went to starbucks.com and looked up how to spell frappuccino, LOL). Oh boy...

Yeah, in the first I have a hard time saying to myself - you are obese. Depending on the day you are either in the lowest category of obese or the HIGHEST category of overweight. In the 2nd picture I say "oh yes, I see it. " Without the camera, I seem to be in denial. With the camera, I see it. I also looked through the camera at back and a side shot. And notice the camera is a bit shaky in this one too. I think I am having some form of eye opening experience and my hands weren't so steady :) And this is me down 15-20lbs. Wow. We are sometimes blinded to our true selves.

But, carry on and move forward. This is why I am doing this. So that soon, the pictures start making me proud rather than making me ill (ok, I know it's not that bad but 6:00am is a bit early for me to have reality slap me in the face!!)

Also moving forward in my plan. Reading, reading, reading last night. I also prepped 3 full meals so they are ready for us for the rest of the week. (chicken thighs, pork tenderloin, taco meatballs). The Eat Clean lifestyle is all about eating real, whole foods and ensuring you get a lean protein, complex carb and healthy fat with each of your 5 "meals" (breakfast, mid-morning, lunch, mid-afternoon and dinner). No calorie counting , just portion control. No "white" which includes sugar, bread, rice, pasta, etc. No processed food, no chemicals or additives. Lots of water. Today I am off to buy a bigger lunch bag that is lined (nice ones at Staples) and ensure I have enough containers. Eat Clean is also about planning, planning, planning. That is why I love it :) If you want to know more: http://www.eatcleandiet.com/ The ONLY thing I don't like about it? Is that the books and website are called Eat Clean DIET. It's not a diet unless you realize diet actually means what you eat - not diet as in weight loss ridiculousness.

Jen

Working on "the" Plan!

2010-08-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

So, probably some of this is procrastinating but... I'm finishing up on my "plan" and getting pretty excited about it. (well, except for realizing I will have to conduct a truce with my treadmill in about two months!!) I finally got my Eat Clean books (new version and workout books with a training guide). I need to just work out a month plan for the eating/grocery shopping and buy a few more containers. Then I am in business.

I find I crash and burn on this if I don't plan, plan, plan. So I am doing up a month (or 4 weeks I can move around) of food planning so I can just whip out that week's grocery list and go. I can consult the page taped up on my cupboard and make my lunch and snack for the day. I know EXACTLY what I am making for dinner that night or prep for tomorrow while tonight's cooks. Otherwise, you guessed it, I eat ice cream, buy takeout or just fail miserably!!

I also need to know exactly what exercise I am doing or... again, I don't. I can't say "oh, I'll do a DVD or something." I need to say "I'm doing my 30 day shred tonight, running tomorrow, then weights the next night." Period.

And, I am going to start looking at this in 5lb chunks. I have my goal's list to update now (haha) but I think rather than focusing on that end number, I need to focus on some small victories. So at the end of this non-scale month, I hope to be down 5lbs. And then I will re-assess if I go back to weekly weigh-ins or I wait a month again to look.

So, I'm off to grab some water and spend the last 10 minutes of my break reading my new workout book!! I'm a wild and crazy gal :)

Jen

Weekend Update

2010-08-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, my 5K today was a total flop!! Trying very hard to not be discouraged but... am!! Air quality AGAIN and my lungs (I have asthma) would not get IN enough air so I could put the effort OUT. I ran about 2 - 2.5K and then we had to walk. I felt really bad and my running partner was awesome. She said "we're out, we're moving... it all counts for something."

So we discussed weight loss programs (Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Herbal Magic, etc... ) mostly agreeing that a lot of them might help you lose weight but you then go right back to your old eating habits - you know, once you stop paying for all those pre-done meals - and you'd put the weight back on. And... pre-done meals make me think - chemicals, preservatives and additives. How else would they stay fresh? YUCK. (sorry to anyone out there who might be on one of these, I've just done a lot of reading about this stuff and how it affects your body/hormones/etc)

We have plans to run again Tuesday night (I really like running in the am's more but.. her husband is out of town so my husband watches her oldest son for us while we run with her youngest in a stroller). And again Thursday morning. And again on the weekend. Around and around we go. Now, to add in my alternative exercises. Just waiting on a book to arrive tomorrow with routines in it and I'm off (I know, excuses, excuses, I could have done something in the meantime!!)

Anyways, it was an interesting weekend... Sat was busy and I had a sick boy. Today started badly (crappy run) and ended with a sick boy, me not feeling well, my husband away on business and my house a mess. But on the bright side?? I got 5 loads of laundry done and a scrapbook page :)

Jen

So... what's your plan?

2010-08-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided to step back from the scale and focus more on my plan... so, I need a plan :) I sort of, kind of, in my head, not outloud have a plan. I am a planner, I need a REAL, written down, in black and white, don't back down, PLAN!! No more, "I'm going to eat better, I need to exercise more mumbo-jumbo". LOL A PLAN!! (did I mention I like things to be... you guessed it, planned out?)

So here I go:

Eating:
3 meals a day and one snack - 4 hours apart
Water, water, water
Alcohol limited to one or less a week (which is an easy one for me!)
More fish and chicken
MORE veggies
Meal and snack planning
Base on Clean Eating guidelines and food suggestions

Exercise:

Running 3x week (approx Mon/Wed/Sat - sometimes ends up Tues/Thurs/Sat due to running partner schedules)
In between days - Tues/Thurs or Wed/Fri - weight routines - arms/lunges/circuit
Sundays - 1 hour yoga and stretching

So, there's the plan. Time to make it happen. Thus far... only the running has happened and that is apparently not enough now to make a difference!

Jen

Running as drug...

2010-08-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

I read over at another blog (Live Smile Run) that running is her drug. That made me smile. I wanna feel that way too. I run tonight. Perhaps if I run anticipating the endorphins... that usually 4K hump that hits me like a ton of bricks won't seem so bad.

Either that or I run chanting "smaller butt.... smaller butt.... smaller butt" . Try it, it works with the rhythm of your running, haha.

I run tonight with two friends and can't wait. Really! I ran last Tuesday morning so it feels like 3 days since I went and I am missing it. Even with chest pain (TOM in T minus 2 days), slight nausea (TOM in T minus 2 days) and a sore lower back (TOM in T minus 2 days). She is right, running is like a drug. I ALWAYS feel better after I've gone. I need to start focusing on that more than what I usually focus on.... those first 20 steps or so that are hard. And then, it gets easier.

One thing I do want to try soon... another solo run outside. With music on. I have a VERY hard time motivating myself - I run better with others. I want to prove to myself I can do it alone. I'll come back with an update on that! Maybe on the weekend.

Jen

Scale Enlightenment

2010-08-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

I think there is a fine line between pushing ourselves to be healthy and being so hard on ourselves, how would we ever achieve our goals? I know I certainly have had a lot of moments where I am hard on myself and am disappointed with my achievements (or complete lack there of) but... isnt' there a point where it gets to be too much? As a society, we have this view of what women should look like. We should be always well groomed, (and can I add clean should never be optional!!), dressed in well fitting clothes and thin. THIN!! Not healthy or athletic or right for our body type... just THIN. I wish all the women out there could take the words THIN and SKINNY out of their vocabulary and permanently erase them from their minds.

Thin doesn't mean healthy. Thin doesn't mean free from disease or injury or chronic health issues. In fact, thin sometimes means the opposite. Especially when completely ridiculous means are taken to achieve the THIN. Does a number on a scale really define us as a person.

Sorry, I am feeling a bit upset about all of this. I read a post about someone who has lost over 100lbs and is still devastated about a small gain. I'm reading posts all over about how disappointed we all are about how much we gained, lost or stayed the same. I realize we all have goals. That we want to feel good, look good, etc. BELIEVE me, I am there with you but... really? Does that scale have to fuel our self worth? Does a pound or two have to ruin our day, week, month, year???

So, here's what I'm doing... I am REFUSING to look at my scale for a month. A MONTH! I won't let my TOM weight gain or being two lbs down after a run be the reason why I am happy or sad. For a month. It will be hard. I pull that damn thing out all the time and am feeling good before I step on and devastated after I step off. Whether up, the same or not down as much as I thought. Ridiculous.

Instead, I am going to focus hard on this journey towards wellness. Towards my lifestyle changes which include a change in how I eat permanently, I'm not on a diet. I KNOW when I am being good to my body and when I'm not. I KNOW if I have been true to my goals of exercise and healthy eating. I don't need to scale to tell me. I don't need to close my eyes and peek out at it and HOPE somehow all my bad habits for the week WON'T be reflected there. That is ridiculous. Of course they will be.

I'm going to move forward and continue on my goal to sweat once a day. Maybe a post I made a long time ago is pertinent to today - look at a Lululemon bag and live by it's rules:

- sweat once a day
- Life is full of setbacks, success is determined by how you handle setbacks.
- Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself
- Friends are more important than money
- Drink fresh water
- Stress is related to 99% of all illness
- Do it now, Do it now, Do it now!
- Dance, sing, floss and travel
- Do yoga so you can remain physically active as you age.
- BREATHE DEEPLY.

I'm off to breathe deeply, be true to my goals and ignore my scale. Let's see how that feels.

Jen

Run off these buns!

2010-08-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

LOL, not my most creative title to date but... that is my opinion on the whole running thing. My scale doesn't believe it but I'm seeing a change in shape recently. I haven't done a picture in a long time, I will try to do so tomorrow. I feel like things are tightening up a bit which brings me hope!

I ran this morning but we cut it short at 4.33km (I use RunKeeper with GPS on my iPhone so I know exactly how long and how fast we are... it's good and BAD at the same time, haha). The air quality has been terrible here (and I have asthma!). This morning, where my friend lives was socked in with fog that stunk (and tasted, double yuck) like pulp mill. EWWWW....

What I have done recently was buy the updated Eat Clean book and the accompanying workout guide. I want to continue improving my eating habits in a life-long way... I don't say I'm on a diet to lose weight. I am enacting a lifestyle change to get to and maintain a healthy body weight. That sounds all heavy but... if I diet now and then go back to my bad habits... I'll go right back to my unhealthy, WAY over healthy, weight. Exercise is 1/2 the battle. I know I have to keep that up. Changing my eating habits is a more slow and steady process. I know I haven't done enough yet so I am reading through my Eat Clean (non-updated) book again and slowly making changes. The biggest issue? Not eating enough! REALLY!! I need to include snacks in the afternoon and morning to keep my blood sugar even and ensure the cravings and crazy hunger attacks stop.

So tonight, I hope to do some arm workout (getting these between-running workouts going is my current goal!) and I need to prep for my Stampin Up open house tonight. Last night, the kids didn't get to bed until a bit later and then I HAD to watch True Blood :) So, got nothing else done...

Have a great day. Go get sweaty if you haven't already!

Jen

A Victory!!

2010-08-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

This might not sound like much but... I have had a teensy problem this summer with cold drinks. As in, buying fraps from Starbucks 3x a week and on the off days getting an iced Mocha from the coffee stand downstairs. OOPS. (and oops as in I'm sabatoging myself and should give myself a swift kick in my own ass and say smarten up!!)

Today, I went to do just that. 3:00 slump at work. A bit tired, a bit sick of being at work (this was 39 minutes ago, haha - notice the work I am now doing!!). Anyways, I digress. 3:00 slump. I get my wallet, I stop to talk to a co-worker, I walk down the hall and hit the elevator button (and yes, I should have walked down the 8 flights of stairs too!). Then, before the elevator opens my internal voice says... "NO, STOP! Turn around and march yourself right back to your office and get a Crystal Light for your water bottle. NO ICED MOCHA IS GOING ON THESE HIPS THAT ALMOST CAN WEAR A SIZE 13!!"

Whew, that was close. So I did just that. I also grabbed a couple squares of 85% chocolate to take the edge off. And I just found a Kashi bar, I'll have 1/2.

A small victory you might say... yes, but I stopped the nasty trend that was truly destroying my efforts. And, a trend that I wouldn't even realize I was doing until I was half way through the damn drink!! I was on zombie- sugar seeking auto pilot!

So, a victory and I'll take it all the way home to think about while I exercise. Size 13, here I come. Size 11 - look out baby cause you're next!!

Jen
PS Run tomorrow!

SLOWLY says the turtle...

2010-08-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

Apparently that is how you win the race so... I'm putting my trust in this and trugging along. I have had very slow loses (but, am noticing subtle body changes again) and had a very slow run this morning :) I was definately the turtle but... we did almost 3 miles and didn't walk very much so, I guess I'll take it.

I'm slowing adding back in the much needed weight routines/isometic exercises I have needed and am noticing a difference. My body just is not getting that all this running is so it will shed pounds. It needs further motivation to drop so, I'm intent on giving it. I did "Yoga Meltdown" yesterday, can you say SWEAT!! Geez. You know you are sweating when you do a back bend and the accumulated sweat between your breasts trickles backwards towards your neck. YUCK, just as an FYI, that does not feel good!

Tomorrow morning (since I ran this am), I will be doing either my 30 day shred (letting Jillian kick my butt) or I'll do an arms and shoulders workout. But for now, I'm off to bed so I can get up early and do it!

Hope you got your sweat on this weekend. I am very happy to say I did, both days. A real achievement for me as I have not been for a while!

Jen

AND PS, size 13 update. I wore size 13 jeans to a BBQ on Saturday. HOLY HANNAH! My 15s were wet from being washed and it was too cool to wear capri's. I thought "well, these aren't going to fit but let's try them on for more motivation..." Wiggle, wiggle, suck in and ... the jeans were on. Not entirely, uh, perfect (not much wiggle room) but I was comfortable enough to sit, stand, run around, crouch, etc and ate a good healthy dinner without feeling pinched in! Yes!!! So... I bought a size 13 skirt today that needs about 3lbs to be right... here's to dropping those 3lbs!

Holy 8.85K Batman!!!

2010-08-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, this morning, I was not a happy morning person. It was "uuuuuhhhhh" and "grrrrrrr" as I flounced out of bed and crawled to the bathroom. And I made the mistake of whining about it to my running partner who has a 11 month old baby. He had her up twice last night - my bad sleep (but uninterrupted) was nothing in comparison so she decided to punish me. Or that is my side of the story and I'm sticking to it, LOL.

She said "oh let's try to go up there and then we'll turn back and run past that school and then back to my house." In my semi-coma of whininess... I agreed but was not happy about her punishing me. So we ran. And ran. And ran. And drank some water. And ran again... and finally I'm like, "I'm going to be late for work if we don't get back soon!!" and took some trails to get back faster. By the end of the trail I had to stop and get water again and she said she was done running, we would just walk the last 5 minutes.

We said a hasty goodbye and I said I'd map our route (I was using my new app Runkeeper but I forgot to lock it and it paused on us and missed half the damn run!!).
5.47 miles which is 8.85KM!!!!

Ahem, sorry to yell at you but, I was BLOWN AWAY!! I am Canadian so I think in KM so when I saw 5.47 miles I was like... whoa, that's a lot but didn't really get it until I converted what that was.

BUT, there is a very positive twist on this now! We've decided, we did okay. We stopped for maybe 1/2-1 block at a time a few times to drink but really, we ran, ALOT! And now we know we can do this without dying (literally, it was good to find out) we want to try to do this once a week! So 5K again on Friday and either Monday or Wednesday next week - we'll do this route again but hopefully without the trails and be closer to 10K!

Wow, I can't believe I just said that. Look at me Ma, I'm a runner :)

Jen

Don't worry...

2010-08-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

I haven't been so silent cause I was busy falling off the wagon (well, I might have touched down a toe a couple times, LOL)... I've just had company. And I RAN twice during that time too!

Thank goodness for small miracles... my running partner returned from vacation and I sent her my desparate plea. I needed to get back on schedule, back into routine and she answered. We ran 5+ km on Saturday and the same on Monday. And we run at 5:45am tomorrow (both gotta work, both gotta get up EARLY to do both so... we do it!!)

I'm happy I'm doing it and now need to add back in my "in between" workouts again. Here's my schedule:

Mondays - Run
Tuesdays - Weight training
Wednesdays - Run
Thursdays - Weight training
Friday - rest day/family movie night (maybe some yoga in the am!)
Saturday - Run
Sunday - Yoga

Sounds good, non? LOL.

Go get sweaty people - I plan on some weights and some yoga tonight! I'm SORE, SORE, SORE in the shoulders (a burny nerve pain, something is pinched) so might be more yoga than weights... we'll see.

Jen

Motivation...

2010-07-28T09:09:00.001-07:00

So last night I went home and made the boys dinner and made turkey spaghetti sauce for my dinner and... then I RAN!!! Yes, yes I did! I ran 5K on the treadmill! I walked a bit (2 minute water/walk break every 10 minutes) but I did it. I was hot, sweaty and triumphant at the 3.1 mile mark. Oh happy day.

Tonight I do either some arms or yoga - I'd like to do arms but I've got a nasty sore spot between my shoulder blades so thinking yoga might be better. We'll see what I decide. Then I'm back to running Thursday am - outside I think. I really enjoy the outside more than the inside! Music blaring in my ears, wind on my face and the pavement under my feet. Now that my husband is home, I can go. Just need to go early - it's been hot and getting hotter here.

Maybe yesterday, realizing I was letting myself down and not committing to me - saying it "out loud" helped. No one else can make me to do it... but I tell you what!!!??? I'll sure be happy when my running partners get home from vacation!! Dang. LOL

Jen

Meandering Thoughts

2010-07-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

No real purpose here today other than the overwhelming urge to speak (to myself, maybe to others) about this state I find myself in. I feel... static, stuck, on hold. I know I need to move forward and get back into my routine of exercise and healthy eating (most of my current eating, I have to say is pretty good!). I know if I want to be a size 13 or drop weight or get to running 10K, I have to "JUST DO IT!". But I'm not. I'm not doing it and I am ashamed. Ashamed of myself, not to admit it.

It only takes one moment to make a decision to not exercise and only one moment to make the decision to exercise. But I am consistantly making excuses to myself to NOT. Why? Am I afraid of the hard work? I know I can do it. I was doing it. Maybe, I am afraid of continuing to work hard and see no results. But maybe after this "time off" I will see results. At least see myself drop back to my previous plateau (3 lbs+ since vacation).

I had a dream last week of myself on vacation. We were on a lake, camping and we had obviously done some canoeing that day. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know why I was where I was (we'd just come back from a vacation where we'd spent very enjoyable time at a lake and my cousins had gone on a canoeing/portage trip which we'd talked about a few times). But the big surprise of the dream, I dreamt of myself as slim. Not skinny or unhealthy but slim. And healthy. In the dream I was wearing what I've always wanted to wear (nothing nasty, just shorts and a tank bikini top). In the dream I was feeling healthy and proud of the effort I'd put out that day. I woke up feeling like I'd gotten a glimpse of my future (cause I was also in my 40s I'd guess in the dream as my boys were teens).

So, to make that dream a reality, I need to do what I know I need to do. I don't need to educate myself or ask for help or need instructions. I know what I need to do and I need to just do it.

I need to make a commitment to myself to... to commit to this. I want it. I can taste how much I want to be visibly healthy - cause truly, I am pretty healthy now (if I can run 6K, I am pretty healthy!) but I don't look healthy. I look overweight/obese and I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I don't want others to look at my own skin. Know that show "Feel Good Naked"? That is my worst nightmare right now. I don't even want my husband to see me naked. I'm not hideous, I'm just not feeling good about it myself.

Others might be thrilled to be my size. I'm not. So I have to go with where I am and go from there. Perhaps, if I put these two thoughts of not committing and this uncomfortable in my skin together it equals... it equals self confidence and self-esteem. Two things I've struggled with my entire life. But how do you wake up and suddenly feel confident? Suddenly have self-esteem and believe in yourself? Not sure. Maybe just thinking about it and moving forward will give me the answer. I'm sure as heck more confident now that I ever have been in my life. So, keep moving forward. Keep running forward :) As I prove to myself I can do it, I start to believe I can do it and this skin starts to feel a whole lot more comfortable to wear.

Hmm... time to go home and think more thoughts on this and motivate myself to commit to me.

Jen

"Just Do It!"

2010-07-23T16:00:00.000-07:00

This is a shout out to Kellie at Chubby Girl Diary. I was reading your blog (see there you are on the side in my blog list... LOL) and reading your post about not finding what you need at the bottom of a bag of chips or a box of cookies. Thank you. That is so right. I've been feeling sad and lonely with my husband away and my work in chaos and my butt just staying the same size :)

Then she wrote she had to be like the Nike ad and "Just Do It!" Hmmm... I thought, that needs to be my new motto (after Suck It Up, which we say at this house alot - thus why I named my blog that!!). I should have set my mental alarm and ran this am. I didn't even HEAR the alarm this am, slept in and didn't get out of bed until like 7:30am (pretty nasty when you need to be out of the house around 8:10!!). So, I came home early today and I've been doing laundry and playing with my new box of Stampin Up stuff. But now after reading that I am thinking "GIRL, you should have got in your run!! If you don't JUST DO IT, when will you?" The answer is never.

I can NEVER get back today's exercise benefit unless I do it TODAY. So, I'm off to pick up my kids and they can play while I get in my run. I'll just go do it. And be proud and happy and satisfied.

Thanks Kellie for helping me out today!

Jen
PS I couldn't stand that nasty daisy background anymore. This is easier on the eyes for now.

Size 13

2010-07-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

I really hate the number 13. I was not superstitious about this number until we moved into apt 13 the first year my husband and I were married. Coincidence this was aweful and that it was our first year of marriage? Likely but ever since, I've hated the number thirteen. This year is my 13th wedding anniversary. I put on Facebook that we were "celebrating going into our 14th year of marriage". I'm serious, I don't like it.

But I had a thought this am that maybe this number and I need to come to some sort of a truce. An agreement by both parties that while we don't really like each other, we could play nice?? Here's my proposal:

My 13th year of being married, will be fabulous. No negotiation on that. 10 of the other 12 were too (first year and the recovery of the first year... not so fabulous. Growing pains).
The other 13 I'd like to shake hands with... size 13. I wear size 15 now. Down from the 18+ I was last September. Down from the 16+ I was in January. Down from the 14+ I was before these regular side of the store 15s finally fit just right (say April?). But now, I'm kind of tired of the 15s and would like to anti-up to the 13s.

Wanna know WHY I decided to make this truce this am?? I realized walking into work that I wore a size 13 when I met my husband. That's right people, when I was 17!! And in Grade 12... and 17!! (did I mention I was 17). To be the same size I was at 17 by 34 (September is my birthday!!) would be mind-blowing. And it didn't escape me that 34 is exactly double 17 too. Poetic justice to me.

Now if Size 13 and I don't STAY friends forever, because I am wearing a Size 11, that is okay. But right now, I'd like to wave my white flag and say "TRUCE". Now to make it happen.

Jen

Ode to the Skinny Girls running this am...

2010-07-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

On my drive to drop the kids off at daycare and then get to work, I passed two very TALL and skinny girls running in little Daisy Duke-esque shorts and cropped tank tops (one wore only her sports bra!). I got up this am, I ran... I was feeling good. Then I pass these ladies with their miles of SKINNY leg and trim tummies and twig-like arms. My mood deflates. I start self-depreciating in my mind. I think, I can run forever and I'll never look like that. Oh poor fat me.

Then, after dropping the boys off, I pass them AGAIN!! AGAIN, first thought, geez, it's beat up Jen day in Prince George. How freaking fantastic. Then, I started noticing stuff.

They were walking as I came up on them and then after looking at each other and a watch, started running again (had been running the first time)
Neither looked thrilled with their morning adventure.
Two, those cutesy clothes were very NEW and matchy-matchy. Likely just bought.
Seriously, one of them matched her cropped tank to her shoes - also VERY new.
Skinny chick #1 was hunching her shoulders - bad posture, bad for air intake while running - sure sign of fatigue.

So, these might be those 2% of the population that is genetically skinny. Tall, thin, no boobs - skinny. They sure weren't runners. They were obviously doing a program (just like I do with intervals) and struggling with it. They were either trying to get healthy (nice Jen answer) or wanted to be seen in their cute new clothes (naughty Jen answer) or maybe a combo of both. Likely a combo of both.

Am I likely to ever look like them?? No, I'm not. Cause, I got boobs, hips and a bum. I like that! My husband likes that. (what's that old phrase, something to hang on to... baby's got some junk in her trunk... or the immortal "Baby's Got Back" haha) I like having a FIGURE. I would just love it to be in smaller proportions so... what happened in my brain the rest of the drive to work???

I'll tell you, my old friend MOTIVATION started knocking on my door. Old friend, there you are!! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN. Ahem, I mean, I am so happy to see you.

Jen
PS Seriously, Motivation, please, please, please move back in!! My brain and my body need you. You've been on hiatus and we've needed you!

My lunch...

2010-07-20T14:53:00.001-07:00

It's just too easy to take pictures on my iPhone and email them to myself at work. Here's my very yummy Mustard-Crusted salmon with broccoli (caramelized onions and almond slivers in it) with a piece of whole grain bread. Yummy. With a big glass of water and my wheat germ cookies, I was a happy lunch-time girl.

Jen
PS I can share that fish recipe:

1 1/2 lbs salmon or salmon filets
1/4 cup sour cream
2 tbsp stone-ground mustard
2 tsp lemon or lime juice.

Preheat oven on broil. Line cookie sheet or pan with foil. Season salmon with salt and pepper. Mix sour cream, mustard and juice together. Spread on fish. Broil fish for 10-12 minutes. It is super good!!

Down some more...

2010-07-20T10:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it is slight but I am pretty happy (even with my crappy mood and attitude lately) I am down to 191.4lb this am.

I ran last night for only 2 miles but... it's 2 miles and I'll take it. Tonight, no exercise as I am going out to the movies with friends. But Wednesday am, I will be running. All 3+ miles!!

So, in keeping with my need for a seriously attitude adjustment, I got lots of sleep last night and have kept my coffee consumption down to one travel mug (in the am after I get to work) a day. And getting back up to more water again.

Meals yesterday:

Breakfast: Protein shake + Ionix + Isagenix supplements, decaf coffee
Snack - small square of Isagenix dark chocolate with antioxidants, water
Lunch - 2 cups lettuce with grape tomatoes and roasted chicken salad (1/2 tbsp low-fat mayo) redwine & olive oil dressing, water
Snack - 1 cup veggies (broc, carrots) and hummus (was dipping from my container, not sure how much), water
Dinner - 1 large piece ham/cheese quiche, 2 cups lettuce with parm. cheese shavings and balsamic dressing, water
Snack - 2 wheat germ homemade cookies (these things are MAJOR fibre!!), water x 2

Today:
Breakfast: Protein shake with berries + Ionix + supplements, decaf coffee
Snack - one piece dark chocolate, water
Lunch: Mustard-crusted salmon with Carmellized onion broccoli (leftovers!!), water, one wheat germ cookie
Snack - veggies and hummus
Dinner - salmon salad with 2 cups lettuce (using up my leftovers, LOL)
Snack - going to movie - may get small popcorn! (or small bag Smart Food popcorn at store!!)

Jen

Lunch and a run

2010-07-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

So I ran 2 miles after work. Finally got my butt on the treadmill.

Here's my lunch! Took a picture for no real reason. It is about 2cups of bib and another lettuce with a handful of grape tomatoes with red wine and olive oil vinegar. On top is roasted chicken with 1 tbsp of low-fat mayo and salt/pepper.

Not an inspiring post

2010-07-19T10:20:00.000-07:00

I started this blog on the suggestion of my husband. I don't know that I've even really told him I'm writing it to be honest. He does journalling on the computer as he finds it a good way to "think" and so I thought, why not do the same. So, today, I am really needing to think so likely this may be depressing or non-motivational!

I woke up this am and my first thought was "I'm not going to run". A thousand reasons why not to went through my head and I spent 45 minutes thinking about it and then, you guessed it, was out of time to run!! I tried to go to bed thinking "I am setting my alarm for 6:00am so I can run." and "I AM running tomorrow morning". But I am just not motivated. WHY??? And now I am going to spend my day feeling fat. I'm not being hard on myself, but that is how I felt getting dressed (and seeing 192.2lbs on the scale again). I am feeling jiggly and gross. Not very confidence inspiring way to go through the day. And entirely due to a night on the couch watching tv and eating ice cream. And not running this am. If I had made cards and ran this am.... I am pretty sure I would be feeling a lot better.

Am I frustrated with my lack of any kind of weight loss?? (other than the same 3-5lbs of up and down, up and down) YES. Most definately. Is it hard to read other's blogs where they are losing lots of weight doing the same (or less) than I was? Yes, for sure but I also find it uplifting that it is working for them (and always am happy for them, just frustrated for myself). So I keep reading and encouraging because I am getting that from others. "Do unto others as..." Do I get frustrated at myself for not sticking to a consistant exercise routine?? Yes. I get into it and then I find a reason to stop. EVERY single time. It is hard. The bonus?? I keep going back but I've wasted 2 or 3 weeks in the middle back sliding and undoing the hard work I put in.

So, what is my problem? Do I want to lose weight? yes. Do I want to be healthier? Yes. I would be dishonest to say I am doing it just to BE healthier. Let's face it, I'm a girl, I want to look awesome!! For me, for my husband (who, loves me no matter what I look like but come on... what guy wouldn't want a hot wife!!) I want to feel comfortable in my clothes!! I want to feel I look good. I don't need to look like Heidi Klum and I am under no illusions what so ever I will look ANYTHING like her when I get to my goal weight. I am not her body type (I have boobs, I have hips!!).

Then why the lack of motivation? Why the depressed bowls of ice cream while watching TV every night this week? I am missing my husband but... there is something else at work in my psyche. I just need to find out what it is and work on reversing it.

Tonight, I am going home to run. I need to. I enjoyed my run Friday morning (or was it Thursday morning) and then I did NOTHING all weekend long. Not a damn bit of exercise. I did MAJOR cleaning of my house. And grocery shopping, reading about healthy eating and how processed food affects our bodies/hormones/metabolisms. And then I ate ice cream at 8:00pm at night. And it took everything in me to not get a 2nd bowl at 10:00pm. Damn. Crap. Etc, Etc, ETC!!!!

Perhaps my dessert eating while away did me a huge disservice? My sugar cravings have some roaring back with a vengence, that is for sure. I need to eat an apple or a piece of dark chocolate. And frankly, while I am trying to ignore that little voice in my head, I do know what I need to do. Throw out the ice cream. If it is there, I will eat it. Sigh... yes little voice, I hear you. And start tracking calories. Own up to the bad habits that creep in.

What's the plan then?? First, throw out the ice cream (sigh again). Next, write down a plan for the next two weeks for exercising and food. Right now! Right now, finish this post and go write a plan out. (I'm at work, I can't throw out the ice cream right now). And I will be exercising while out of town.

And finish that decaf coffee and go get some water and drink it. Lots of it.

Jen

Progress

2010-07-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

Being back at home and starting to exercise again has definately helped.

Thursday - 193.3lbs
Saturday - 192.2lbs

A pound off already but likely that is mostly water weight. But, it's a pound, I'll take it. I hope to be back to my 189lb (my STUCK at weight) by next week. Seems doable at this point. Now, the keep the scale moving, I need to spend this weekend meal planning, exercising and making a plan for exercising for the next two weeks. Payday was yesterday so all the food, etc (babysitting $$ since my husband is away) needs to be dealt with now!!

I just started reading this book called Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Michaels. I have been extremely frustrated with why when I eat healthy (mostly) and was running 3x a week plus other exercising... why was I not losing a pound. Sure I dropped the first 20lbs from Sept - March. Most from Jan-March but then even with really bumping up my exercising length and intensity... nothing!!

After reading, I am beginning to suspect my thyroid might be part of the problem. Reading down the list of hypothyroid symptoms I was doing a mental "check, check, check, no, check, check, check". The only no was thining of my outer eyebrows (but I get them threaded so would I really be able to know?) Always feel cold, problems losing weight, dry skin, acne, problems with blood sugar (diagnosed with this 2 years ago), etc, etc, etc.... all there. So, I am due for a PAP anyways so I'll ask for a blood test too. Can't hurt to know.

Well, it's Saturday am and my boys are watching Scooby Doo so I plan on grabbing a coffee (decaf) and reading more in this book. Later I plan on doing arms and shoulders - P90X style. Haven't done that program in a long time. It will surely kick my butt!!!

Jen

You Gotta LOVE endorphins!!

2010-07-16T09:12:00.000-07:00

After all my procrastinating, avoiding, ignoring, too busy, excuses for not getting back to running right away... my body was so happy to run this am!! Geez, traitorous body :) No seriously, it felt good and my mind was frantically trying to justify it away and I then said to myself "SELF (ever watched Emeril?? He is the reason I talk to myself like this now!) anyways... "SELF, this feels good, you can't deny it!". I only ran about 30 minutes (well, really running only 18 minutes with warm-up & cool-down if I'm being super honest) but it was about 2 miles. I took so long getting up this am I was kinda out of time to do my full workout.

I need to work on my mental self and exercising. I really dread it, get anxious, be upset, feel nauseous (sometimes) and it is ridiculous. I can do this. I'm doing around 6K now and really, I'm hardly winded. I'm tired sure. Sweaty? Yes, definately, but I can do it and I'm doing it WAY faster than last year. So what the hell is my mind's problem. Me, myself and I are going to be having a talk. No more of this attitude. It is what kills me. If I say to myself "you are going to lose weight, you are a runner, you are eating healthy and getting in shape" then, I will!! And I know it.

Got get sweaty people, your body will thank you!

Jen

PS I keep changing my blog background trying to find one with buttercups on it. I thought this was fun until I find (or make) one.

OH cringe, why did I want a new scale??

2010-07-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, the new scale said 193 after a few tried. Sucky. Kind of sorry I bought it as my ignorant thinking I was still under 190 was a bit nicer. I did know my clothes felt a bit tigher and I was/am feeling a bit bloated so, I figured it was wrong!! However, that was with clothes ON and the old scale I always weigh with clothes OFF right before I hope into or out of the shower so... maybe I was wearing heavy clothes yesterday?? (can we can DENIAL)

I went and bought groceries yesterday after work at Costco/Save-On. I spend around $180 and this is what I got (in case you are interested):

- new scale, mat for in front of my kitchen sink (it was pretty!)
- broccoli, peppers, cucumbers, lettuce, grape tomatoes, asparagus, celery sticks, apples, carrots, limes, red onion, coleslaw mix (preshredded cabbage), new potatoes, nectarines
- ground turkey, salmon
- pumpkin seeds (made a yummy spicy-cheesy pumpkin seed recipe last night!!)
- sour cream, greek plain yogurt
- juice (for the boys, I don't drink my calories in a glass!)

More I think but I'm stuck now. Today I've eaten:

- Chocolate Protein Shake with frozen berries blended in
- 1 serving of Spicy-Cheesy Pumpkin seeds
- Water
- Decaf coffee with cream (very small amt of cream)
- Lunch (about to have) - spinach salad with cranberries, walnuts and citrus dressing with roast chicken on top.
- Snack - (for 2:00ish) carrots, celery and broccoli with hummus I bought at Walmart this am (I love hummus and forgot it last night so I went to Walmart at 8:15am to buy on my way to work)
- Dinner - TBA :)

So what is missing??? EXERCISE. I know, I know. I'm procrastinating, whining, not doing, avoiding, ignoring. Today - I - MUST - EXERCISE!!! Get off your 4lbs weight gain butt girl!!

Feel free to yell at me too. I need it!

Jen

BMI - Oh my!!

2010-07-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am no longer obese. And haven't been for months. Glad I keep on top of this stuff :) I am now merely at the highest end of the overweight range... that's the good news. The bad news is... I'm at the highest end of the overweight range, haha. I was changing my ticker as it was still at 187.2 (which was my lowest and didn't last more than a couple days!!) and thought I'd check my BMI out too.

So far today I've had:

Protein shake - breakfast
Coffee with cream - snack
Club wrap on brown/water - lunch

Now I need a LOT of water and an Advil for another snack :) I'm sore from all this sitting in a desk chair again today. Kind of a junky work day too, some bad news around sort of "mentor" leaving. But, I wish her luck on her future endeavors. I am just feeling a bit numb about it. Normally, that would mean eating. So instead, I came on here to look at BMI and such as motivation to NOT go eat. But my first reaction was "I want a Frappiccino".

Speaking of frappiccino's... I have now (drum roll please) switched to Iced Skinny Vanilla Latte's which are WAY down in calories and fat than my Java Chip Lite frappiccino's I was having far too often when the hot weather hit. I am proud. I can't say I enjoy as much but I enjoy that I am not putting in like 600 calories as a cold drink. And they are good, just not the icy, blendy yumminess of the java chip with the little chunks in it. I just... ok, I will stop thinking about how I just... or I'll want one.

No exercise yet but the day is young and I have all night to get something in. I have to do some grocery shopping too and buy a new scale. Need to see if the "last 3 days before pay day and after a 2 week vacation" budget can swing me a scale now or if I have to wait until Friday!! I hope now as inquiring minds want to know - did I really maintain on vacation, or not??

Back to work. I'm going to eat this "homemade" granola bar now (homemade by the little cafe across the street from my office tower).

Jen

A Clean Slate

2010-07-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

It is 7:00am here. So why is this the picture I just took? I want a clean slate. A new and healthy lifestyle means throwing away (literally) the old, bad habits. So, I printed dinner recipes at 6:30am. And I'm purging my fridge at 7:00am. I probable should have exercised. But this feels pretty invigorating too. Tonight, (cause I have to go to work!!) I tackle some cupboards!! (EDIT: nope, tonight I tackle my freezer... I have shivers and not from the cold!!)

Posted from my iPhone (pictures added later)

Jen

Back to life, back to reality...

2010-07-13T16:18:00.000-07:00

Hello all you weight-loss bloggers out there. I'm back from my vacation. I wasn't ready to come back. I was pretty dandy where I was and could have done some more relaxing. But such is life and here I am. Tired. Feeling bloated really. And... out of my routine.

I did try to run. I did run the first day I was able (can't really run when you are on an airplane all day or when you are in Niagara Falls with your family). It was a good run. I did Week 3, Workout 1 of my Gateway to 8K. I did around 6K in today. Had a good sweat. Pushed myself pretty good. THEN, the heat came. It was 33 degrees but felt like 45 with the humidity. Over 25 by 8:00am in the morning (sorry, that is like stinking hot in F for my US readers... wait, 113F is 45C) I simply could not run in that. By 1:00pm, I was having a hard time doing anything in that!!

So I'm back and I waiting almost 12 hours before stepping on the scale. I think, it's broken. It SAYS I'm the exact same weight I was before I left. Uh, no running, eating desserts at my relatives house (a lot!), I don't think so. I think the scale is broken. So, on my to-do list - buy a new scale. (remember my son dropped this one)

I ended up taking today off as we were all... just done. Just tired, cranky, headachy and nasty. A very long day yesterday flying back and not a great sleep last night. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be getting back into my routine. With a slight change, I'm starting the Jillian Michael's food plan as well. I've had a hard time with food on this journey so thought that might help me improve. And, since I've been the same weight since March or April, I need a shock or something to my system.

But, hey, if I managed to maintain my weight while on vacation, really truly did (not just a broken scale), then I think that is awesome. I controlled my portions, I cut back when I knew there was dessert (in my Irish family, it is an insult to not at least have some of what is offered to you!!) and drank lots and lots of water. That is part my new lifestyle and I honestly wasn't even thinking about it too hard. It is becoming more inate now. And I felt really antsy and a bit yucky from not exercising. Another plus.

So, I'm back and back to running tomorrow. Not sure how yet as I'm solo parenting for the next two weeks but, I'll manage it somehow!!

Jen

Hello from vacation!

2010-07-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

I figured out I can log on Herr from my phone but will keep it brief! We arrived Tuesday night and spend yesterday at Niagara Falls. It was nice to show my kids and take some pictures then we drove north to my aunts and had a nice evening here. This morning, even with a 3 hrs time change up we got and ran at 6:30am.

I am now on Week 3, Workout 1 of Gateway to 8K and I ran it with my husband!!! Firs time we've ever run together.

Peer Pressure

2010-06-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I tried to get out of my run (with the intention of running this am) my friends would have none of that and Facebooked, emailed and phoned me until I agreed to go with them. One even came to pick me up :) And I love them for it.

Again, I always thought this was a cliche but, workout with a buddy. Or at least run with a buddy. When you have someone else dragging their butt out of bed or waiting on you, it motivates you to get your gear on. And when you really don't want to is when your workout buddy can, well, bully you into it!! And visa versa. We are committed to helping each other out and while we don't do all runs together or actually go to the gym together, we check in, talk about how it's going, encourage each other!!

This may be my last post for 2 weeks. I am leaving on vacation tomorrow and don't think I'll have much internet abilities. But, my vow to everyone who reads my little blog, I will come and be accountable here when I return. I fully suspect I will have had a couple pieces of cake and some ice cream (for one because my son's birthday is July 1st!) and might miss a run or two. However, I am committed to my healthy lifestyle and exercise and they will be part of my vacation. I have a running route planned out, got my Gateway to 8K workouts on my iPhone (starting week 3 now!! we survived) and packed my running gear already.

While I'm gone, keep sweating everyone!!! It is worth it and try to think about everything you put into your body.

Be healthy, Jen

My scale is broken

2010-06-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

No really :) My adorable 5 year old curious-about-everything son... dropped it. My brand-new, fat/muscle/water percent measuring, electronic scale. Now everytime I try to use it, it says 5lbs when no one is standing on it and my husband says he thinking it isn't reading right.

So, maybe I'm not as stuck at 189lbs as I thought. Maybe I'm 188?? LOL

Have a good day everyone!! GO GET SWEATY!! I already did.

Jen

And she's running just as fast as she can...

2010-06-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Why I have Tiffany in my head this morning, I don't know... but everytime I try to think of titles for my blog posts, I get song lyrics. I'll just go with it :)

So, up and running at 6am (ok 6:06am) this morning with my friend Claire. We were officially about 3 minutes faster this am than last run together and close to 6K (probably 5.8 or so). Pretty good at 40 minutes. We are wanting to get to that 35 minute 5K by Labour Day weekend for our race, I think we'll do it. We'll be running alone all of July as I'm away soon on vacation (5 more sleeps) and then we might fit in one run after I'm back and then my running partner is on vacation. So in August we'll get back together and really kick it out :) We'll be doing 8K by the week after the race according to schedule!

I signed up for the Jillian Michaels online "Butt-kicking" yesterday. I'm scared to log in today :) I figure I need some help with food and having her set out meal plans would be great. Less thinking right now for me. Being so busy means our food shopping, planning and prep has just sucked. And we turn to old easy favouites when we are so busy. Her meal plan lets you change the meals if you don't like them and then go to her pre-done shopping list, click off anything you already have in your fridge/pantry and then print off the list. NICE!!

I'll let you know what I think.

Here's yesterday's nasty food:

Breakfast: Chocolate protein shake/Ionix drink/multivitamins/Omegas
Snack: Veggies and small ranch dip package
Lunch: 1/2 club wrap and bean salad
Snack: other 1/2 club wrap
Dinner: 1 1/2 hamburgers (patty only), basmati rice, broccoli, 1/4 cup mushroom soup gravy
Snack: Drumstick!!!! (ahhhh)

and likely about 8-10 glasses of water as well. I drink a lot of water. No coffee. And I resisted a Frapiccino. (will I ever figure out how to spell that?? - need to go look at the Starbucks website)

Okay, that isn't as bad as I thought it would look... And honestly, a lot better than Tuesday was.

Jen

So folks, how'd she do???

2010-06-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

I ran, I ran, I ran... yay, yay, yay, I ran :) It was HARD as all get out as I haven't been treadmill running for a while and I find outside more interesting (translation: distracting). And running with a friend helps a lot too (translation: distracting). But I did it. Officially doing week 2 of Gateway to 8K.

I was in my basement, so very cool down there, and still I could feel the sweat dripping down off my neck, rolling down my spine and pooling in my sports bra. And man, I was hurting at the end - again, treadmill should be easier but... maybe because I can moderate my pace on the road and was just at a set 4.7 miles per hour (which I know, is slow!). I'm not sure. But I was soaked, dry mouthed and so happy I did it.

Some people might read this and be like "I don't get it, this girl has run 5Ks before???" but motivation and the mental knowing I can do this has always been a struggle. And end of the day runs when I am having severe PMS... not so good!! I think it was so hard because I was running on an empty tank too. I immediately started gulping water with some "Want More Energy" in it (an Isagenix product - an electrolyte product) and had bought a pita on the way home so ate that right away.

My boys were awesome (and happy cause tv on a school day is a no-no in our house) and ate their subs and watched tv at the table while I ran. They are awesome kids.

Tomorrow, I run at 6am again, my happy time. I am supposed to run Sunday night too but... I am thinking I might try a Saturday 6:30am run on my own as well. I know I will miss my Tuesday run next week (I'll be on an airplane all day - wish they had treadmills at the airport!!) so want to make up for it!

Jen

Motivationally speaking...

2010-06-22T09:38:00.001-07:00

Help!! I've discovered I do great getting up early and going out running... when I know someone is waiting for me. This am, no mojo what-so-ever. I HAVE to run tonight, I HAVE to!!

That's it for now, I just needed to say that!

Jen

**EDIT** I decided I am going to come back on here tomorrow morning and be accountable to my followers if I ran or not. I do well under pressure and am now thinking out when to do it. (thinking feed my boys, let them watch some usually-a-no-no tv on a school night and run with the door open) Then I can shower, put them to bed and eat myself. Sound like a plan???

AIR QUALITY advisory... YUCK

2010-06-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

So, forest fire about 2 hours west of here and all the smoke hit my city on Saturday morning. It is disgusting, smelly and nasty. NO running outside until it clears. Thank goodness for my treadmill! I cancelled my Tuesday am run and plan, no AM, running inside that morning. I say PLAN, and then I don't do it.

Do you find that? That the words you use with yourself define the outcome of the experience? If we "dread this visit", then the visit usually goes bad. If we are going to "try" to exercise, we always have a reason not to. If I am going to "plan" to go for a run, I don't go. But if I am "looking forward" to a nice visit, "going to" exercise or "am" going to run on Tuesday on my treadmill, I do it.

So, I hope you all "ARE" going to go get sweaty and "ARE" eating healthy today :)

Oh, I have to share something with you before I get back to my busy work day!! I LOVE Starbucks (no, that isn't what I needed to share). I love vanilla lattes and frappicinos. But, those are calorie and carbohydrate high and straight to my butt bound. So I found an awesome alternative. I added Sugar-free Vanilla syrup to an Americano with a little bit of milk. (an Americano is espresso shots with hot water added to make up the rest of the cup - like butter smooth!!) All the flavour, none of the calories!! SO good. The cold alternative would be an iced coffee with the vanilla. Still really yummy but without all the nastiness.

I just love finding a health alternative I like just as much!

Jen

Week 1 - Mission Accomplished

2010-06-19T08:04:00.000-07:00

So, my husband has to work today (Saturday). He has a meeting that starts at 8:00am (it's 7:54am right now where I am). I wanted to run. Did I mention it is Saturday? SATURDAY?? The day I don't have to work or get up early. So what you say? I got up at 6am on a Saturday and ran at 6:30am for 42 minutes. Got home by 7:30am so my husband could leave.

RUNNER here. Even my husband was like, "wow, you're already awake!" when he came upstairs to wake me up at 6:10am. (have I ever mentioned that while I greatly dislike my husband's insane running abilities, metabolism and the fact that he weighs 170lbs to my 189, that he is one of the most wonderful people on the face of the planet??? He comes up to make sure I'm not late getting up when I need to be up early)

We did workout 3 of week 1 of Gateway to 8K. YAHHH!!! Go team... uh, do we have a Team name? Team Jen and Claire I guess :) It was a bit slower today (by maybe 2 minutes at most) but we did run Thursday night so it's only been one full day between runs and... well I had homemade pizza at a friend's last night for supper and her baby woke her up 3 times last night. We'll take our 2 minute penalty cause running at 6:30am on a Saturday more than trumps it!!

Keep running ladies. I know this is cliche and I didn't believe it either but... IF I CAN DO IT, anyone one can!! I have asthma, I broke my ankle in 3 places and had major surgery with pins and screws 2 years ago, I have never run in the past (even as a kid I was a terrible runner), I hated exercise and never did it as a kid or teenager (I did NO sports whatsoever as a teenager!! nothing), when I started I was almost 209lbs (last year), I had knee problems as a teenager from growing so fast, I put my hip out giving birth to my 2nd child in 6 minutes of pushing and I HATED (used to) getting up in the morning. And yet, here I am, now, 3 5K races under my belt, training to do 8K cause I've done 5K and getting up at 6am on a Saturday so I can get my run in.

If I can do it, anyone can!

Jen

Go get sweaty this weekend and do something special for the dad's in your life!

Another great run...

2010-06-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

So, I don't want to put the cart before the horse but.... I think my BRAIN actually is starting to believe I am a runner. And that I can do it. We did a 37 minute 5.5K run last night (work out 2, week 1 of Gateway to 8K) and felt great!!! GREAT!!!

It excited me to no end that I am starting to look forward to my runs (rather than dread them to the point of feeling nauseous and anxious). And that I can tell I am pushing myself more and able to encourage my running partner who is back to running again after a baby. ME, encouraging someone else to run. WOW.

Just wanted to share that very positive outlook and realization with you all. WE CAN DO IT!! We just have to keep at it and keep trying.

Next step, a really honest look in the mirror and at my nutrition. It's time to admit that all the "little cheats" and "just today" stuff is likely what is killing me. Running for 37 minutes only balances the scales when you cheat once a day. What will show me results is not cheating and still running!! I know this to be true but have let stress dictate my eating habits sometimes.

No more frappicinos - lite still means major calories. No more dessert cause I'm at someone else's house.

Jen
Tomorrow am - I'm off to get sweaty running again and GASP, I think I'll wear a tank top!!!

eh... what's up doc?

2010-06-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I was out of town (AGAIN) just for the day and I found out a few things. ONE: getting up super early is getting easier and easier. TWO: I would have rather gone running than heading for the airport. THREE: I don't have to exercise every day anymore to maintain a routine.

But, what I don't really quite get is why, oh why, am I not losing one ounce of weight? This isn't a question out to all of you, this is a question I need to look at. Am I eating as healthy as I could? Probably not. Am I exercising? Yes, running 3-4 time a week. But, should I be doing more. I think so. I was thinking some weight work and then saw Keelie's post over at REAL FAT (see my blog list) and that was a good timely push to start that.

I just saw there is a new app for my iPhone (have I ever mentioned on here how much I LOVE my iPhone? I tell people I would marry it if I hadn't already exchanged vows with my fabulous man). Anyways, I just saw a new app from Jillian Michaels that I am going to download tonight. It is free and is supposed to be motivating and give you suggestions, ideas, diet tips, etc.

AND... I want to do family pictures in October. And, really I'm leaving for Ontario in like 2 weeks and I am still 189. But I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin and feeling healthier so... I am okay in my size 15s. I just wish they were size 13s as I had hoped.

So, what's up? Not my weight :) But, my interest to really be honest with myself and my efforts here to move myself forward.

Have a great day! Go get sweaty!!!!

Jen

It's a beautiful day...

2010-06-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

And now I have U2 in my head :) But, it is a beautiful day even though it was CHILLY this am. Only 1 degree celcius (34F) and I headed back to my dresser for more clothes for my run!! I am so happy I have my iPhone and was checking Facebook before I left at 6am. I would have froze.

My hands and ears were cold at first but it was sunny with blue skies and all the birds were singing and the trees and plants are green, green, green. Be-A-utiful. My friend Claire and I did the first workout of the Gateway to 8K program (she says as she bites her nails and looks slightly freaked out). I figure, I've done 5K already and I keep being told "train for more than you want to do" so we're doing this program now in training for my next 5K race on Labour Day. And we ARE considering this one a race - not just an accomplishment. We want to do it in 35 minutes (again, insert nail biting and frightened facial expression here).

AHHH, I said it outloud.... we want to do it in 35 minutes. Even with my post of yesterday, I am shocked to hear myself have a goal in mind for running. ME, a goal for speed. Wow. But, I really, really do want to do it at that speed and would be really excited and proud. My previous goals would have been "don't whine the entire run" or "you aren't walking even if you can speed walk faster than you are jogging right now". haha

So, yes, I am doing the Gateway to 8K. If I keep saying it, I think I can eventually say it without looking like I swallowed a lemon or something. I can say it looking confident. YES, I am going to be able to run an entire 8K in 13 weeks. Yes, yes, I am!! Suck it up Buttercup, and lace up your runners. (and if I manage to drop some weight after being stuck at 189 for 2 months, that would be a nice side bonus!!)

Jen

Super Jen... dum de de da da....

2010-06-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

Again, with the old tv shows and my titles... that was Mighty Mouse.... :) What can I say, my dad grew up in the 40s and 50s and I watched all this stuff in reruns.

So, good afternoon to one and all. Here I am again. I ran on Sunday again. That means 4 times in a week. Yay me. It was a shorter run (around 4K) in intervals as I pulled something in my shoulder and woke up at 2am on Saturday in some SERIOUS pain. Did I mention, it REALLY hurt? Two extra strength ibuprofen, a hot pack and a whiny Facebook status update later (LOL), I was back in bed at 3am unable to move my right arm much nor go for a run at 7:30am Saturday as planned. But I babied it, hot packed it, stretched and asked for gentle massages and was able to run Sunday evening.

My point for today. I was MAD as a hornet that I couldn't run Saturday with my friends. I wasn't relieved. I wasn't resigned. I wasn't "yes, a great excuse to say I can't go!". I was mad... now, if that isn't some huge freaking progress I don't know what is?!!

For those that might not have read my blog for long, I grew up in a family who did not/do not exercise. I kid you not, when I told my dad I was doing my first 5K run last year, he said "Why?" Followed by "I wouldn't run that far unless a bear was chasing me." And my parents, have never needed to exercise to be slim (yes, we hate people like that, but they are my parents and while I hate their metabolisms, I am resigned that they did NOT pass them on to me). My mom is about 1/4" shorter than me - she weighs 132lbs. And she thinks she's fat. Yes, I am serious... When she occasionally has to buy size 9 pants as all her "weight" (it sounds ridiculous to say a 5'7" woman who weighs 132lbs has "weight" but...) is on her hips and bum - BTW, the one thing I did inherit from her - she whines that a size 9 is so BIG. Until January, I would have needed to take her size 9s, buy another and sew them together so I could fit into them!!

For me, growing up in this family and being told my entire childhood I probably just wasn't good at sports and not once being encouraged to be active... for me to be MAD I couldn't run due to a muscle spasm is .... amazing, spectacular, wonderful, dream fulfilling, goal achieving, momentous... you get the idea. Honestly, it makes me almost teary. I am doing it. I am changing my life. I am active. I am a runner! ME, 189lbs of "I don't like exercise" and "I am going to be fat for the rest of my life", I AM A RUNNER. I am. I never believed it before but now, if someone asks me what I do in my spare time, I am going to say: I read, I scrapbook, I make cards, I like doing yoga and I am a RUNNER.

I am super Jen, watch me run.

H..E..R..E..'..S Jen.....

2010-06-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, how do you type so it "sounds" like the Tonight Show intro. Re-read my post title with that in mind now, haha...

Wow, I haven't been on here in a while and I REALLY wanted you to know I did not fall ass over tea kettle off the wagon!! I race a 5K RACE on Sunday. Woo hoo. I did it in 39 minutes which is far from spectacular BUT, that is 2 minutes faster than last year and we WALKED the big hill as per our plan to avoid getting exhausted in the first 1/3 of the race. So even walking I am running that much faster to do the race in a shorter time.

I ran Tuesday morning. It wasn't a good run but I got up and was home by 7:00am. I ran this morning with a "new" running friend and was home again (after having to drive home from her place) by 7:00am.

I haven't done stellar in the food department but I find once I get back on track for exercise, my food conscious kicks in and I cut out most of the junk.

I have been incredibly busy lately with work,work travel, home, kids, husband and life. So my biggest goal right now (other than minimum 3x week running and weight training 2x and yoga 1x) is finding a better life balance. I haven't been able to scrapbook/card make at all for a couple months and that is my creative hobby. My "fuel" for my soul. So, I have to work on not being so hard on myself for not being super mom (super mom is pretty darn hard when you work full time, want to exercise, like to read, like to scrapbook and still want to do everything for your kids!!)

Any ideas?
Jen

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

2010-05-31T09:55:00.000-07:00

Well, not really a jet plane. More like a big propeller one but... you get the idea. Leaving for 4 days for work. I have my runners and my P90X so should get in runs/workouts while I am gone. I haven't been feeling well for a few days so no real exercise to talk about since last week. Seem to be recovering now so tonight I plan on being on the treadmill at my hotel.

Have a great week!

Jen

Uh, the glass is half full???

2010-05-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, can I do half a check on my list today? I got up, went to my kickboxing class which was stations today (and can I say my triceps feel like lead weights today and that typing even kind of hurts??). I was feeling tired but determined to just do it!

I get through the first round of stations... hmm.... my mouth is dry and I'm feeling still pretty tired. Second round of stations... hmm... REALLY need some water and we break so I am happy to trot over and grab my big bottle and am thinking "MAN, why do I still feel so crappy and worse than when I got here??" By the third round (about 1/2 hour in) when we break for water I am feeling dizzy and nauseous. Still going to push on but when I go to step back to my station, I feel the room start to spin a bit and I was like "okay, I think I need to stop". I tell the instructor, I need to go, I'm not feeling good and BOLT for the door. Probably not smart in retrospect that I didn't sit down but I just wanted AIR!! And honestly, I would be mortified to faint or throw up in front of the group so I wanted to get home as quick as I could.

So, glass half full... I got in 1/2 hour of fairly intense lower body and cardio stations. I realize after my son gets up and is wheezing, coughing and nasty... that my ASTHMA is going crazy and since I don't wheeze or cough, sometimes I don't know that is why I feel so bad. (and I really wish my son didn't react to bad air quality the same way I did so he is like my warning system!!) Inhalers went in and I am at work feeling a bit better now.

Glass half empty... I missed 1/2 of my class and it was still embarassing to have to bolt out the door like that without finishing.

BUT, tomorrow, I walk in there and just do it. I emailed the instructor this am and she was fine with it and said she hoped I could come tomorrow. And other positive, I am sore all over so it must be helping. PLEASE butt, baby jellyroll (don't you love that, I read that phrase in a scrapbooking magazine yesterday and thought, yes, that does explain that problem area perfectly), upper thighs and hips, listen to what I am telling you and GO AWAY :)

Jen

She's making a list...

2010-05-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

And gets to check it TWICE today!! Ran last night - ALL 5K!! With the exception of less than 5 minutes of walking at the beginning and end, we ran our 5K route. And after having gone to my resistance training that am too. I am proud of myself as I was tired but I pushed myself to go, pushed myself A LOT while running and finished it when I wanted to stop. Proved to myself I didn't NEED to stop. I just wanted to stop.

And my second check, got up at 5:00am again and went to kickboxing. It was cardio today (although apparently she did s..l..o..w cardio today instead of fast as I was new... geez, I say mercy if that was slow). We did kicks and punches with jogging in between and it was great. My hip flexors are sore as all get out but it was totally worth it. Tomorrow we do stations... whatever that means :)

I ate a lot more yesterday (and today already) than usual but not in a bad way. I had dinner and then I had a protein shake after my run. I normally don't eat in the evening but after all that energy out... I knew I had to fuel my body or I would be a shaky mess in the morning. And this morning I had a shake before I left for kickboxing and then I had an egg on BodyWise toast at 7:00am. Again, needed more fuel for my body.

OHHHH... right (sigh), weigh in. Okay it doesn't SUCK but... 189.8lbs. So not really moved at all but seriously I sat on my butt for almost 2 weeks so I'm lucky I'm not back in the 190s. As it is only day 2 of my renewed daily fitness plan... I refuse to be too hard on myself. Water, water, water.... and we'll see how the uped eating affects me. I need to look into a good plan and have been reading the Clean Eating book and the "Master your Metabolism" book by Jillian Michaels too start figuring out a plan. A good, sustainable plan for when I stop doing my Isagenix plan.

Have a great and sweaty day! GET OFF THE COUCH, your butt will thank you for it. Mine is (and is sore too).

Jen

Happy Monday!!

2010-05-25T10:07:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know it's Tuesday but yesterday was a holiday here in BC so it's like Monday for me.

I forgot to weigh in this am so I'll do that tomorrow but wanted to say "NOPE" on the run yesterday but "YES!!" on getting up and attending the kickboxing class for 5:45am today!! YES. And I am running tonight.

SWEET.

Jen

Intentions for the week

2010-05-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

My exercise and eating intentions for the week of May 24th, 2010:

Monday: run on the treadmill
Tuesday: kickboxing @ 5:45am - resistance training - run in evening
Wednesday: Kickboxing @ 5:45am - cardio - ABX
Thursday: Kickboxing @ 5:45am - resistance training - run in evening
Friday: Kickboxing @ 5:45am - cardio - AbX
Saturday: Run
Sunday: YogaX

Eating:
Water, water, water - I do great at work but sucky at home!!
Salads from home for lunch
Isageniz program including cleanse "tea" each night
water, water, water :)

Happy Victoria Day in BC! I love Stat holidays!!

Jen

Oh, I had wanted to say WHY I am going to start putting my intentions up each week (and reporting back on the previous week too!) For one, I am stating my goals, outloud and reinforcing my internal intention to DO this!! Two, I need a push to help me stay on track because, well, because I am derailed completely! I am upset with myself and need to get re-focused and reenergized. Three, I am going on a trip to Ontario to see relatives I haven't seen in 10 years and I want to feel more confident of myself and how I look before I leave. Right now, even having maintained my weight from before, I don't.

Ask, and you will receive...

2010-05-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

So, I put my intention out there to the universe. I asked you guys for a kick in the butt and told my husband I needed it and have basically been thinking it CONSTANTLY for 2 weeks. But today was when I finally admitted it here...

Not 45 minutes after I posted on here this am, I noticed a friend on Facebook say something about her "class" of kickboxing. I asked her what she was talkin' about. Turns out (a casual friend from my card making group) she teaches a morning class at the local Tae Kwon Do studio that is (get this!!):

Monday, Wednesday, Friday - cardio for an hour
Tuesday, Thursday - resistance training for an hour
based on kickboxing which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (Kenpo from P90X was my fav)
only.... $25 a MONTH, a month!!!
at 5:45am so I'd be done and home by 7:00am when my kids wake up
she's letting me try it out free all next week to see what I think.

HOLY CRAP, this is freaking awesome. Ask and you will receive what you need if your intentions are true. I needed this kick. I have truly been wanting to do something around kickboxing but was too chicken to really look into it. Now I know if I can do an hour of P90X Kenpo or run (well, almost run) a 5K, I can do whatever she throws at me for an hour!

It gets my exercise in early, it is an hour long, I still have evenings to run when I want alone or with my running buddy, I get my metabolism going for the day and... it is something I really enjoy doing. I can't wait, even if it means I have to be in my SUV and driving at 5:30am every weekday morning.

Sometimes, life is great. Thank you Universe and thank you to those girls who commented on my last post. You are right, get off the couch, I am so completely worth this effort and I am the ONLY one who can get me going. Look out size 13 motivational jeans hanging in my closet, you'll be on my skinner butt by July!!!

Jen
PS Next challenge, my running buddy wants to run 10K by September... oh baby!! :)
PPS And I changed my background. I love the ocean and thought this was pretty :)

Need a push

2010-05-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

Good morning to my weight loss blogger friends. I need your help. I need a push. I've only exercised ONCE in two weeks and I cannot continue on this path. I need a push to get off the couch (all the freaking season finales are not helping me here!) and get on my treadmill.

Luckily I haven't gained (weighed in at 189.2lbs this am so a slight backslide but not much). But I haven't lost either and while my size 15s were super exciting a month or two ago... not so much now because I really want those 13s and the 11s and maybe even the 9s. I really, really do. But I really, really do and then I don't get up in the am or off the couch after dinner.

So, don't be nice, yell at me and tell me whatever I need to hear to get going. Please. I'm trying to tell myself and struggling.

Jen

Update

2010-05-19T09:17:00.001-07:00

No run last night. I was feeling aweful. I was going to push it and even accepted the run offer with my friend. But by dinner I was just hanging over my plate and feeling nasty. I think the pollen overrun at the moment here was the culprit. I have asthma and I don't wheeze, I just get very short on oxygen and don't realize why I am feeling so bad.

SUCKS.

Monday, Monday...

2010-05-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

I know it's Tuesday but it's my Monday and that song is in my head :) I had my parents here since Wednesday and while I did run Thursday night... I haven't exercised since. Stupid me. Sigh, baby steps I guess.

Tonight I hope to be out with my friend going for 25 minutes of running... or more. We know we can do it now so... we push. Our race is in 3 weekends so we have to get on it. And likely, if we just said to ourselves we could run the 5K now, we could. So that is what we are going to do and maybe try to get to 6K by the time our race comes around. Then that 5K will be a breeze ;) (or atleast under 40 minutes!)

Jen

Oh 170s... I want to meet you again...

2010-05-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Not a pity party here today, just a goal that I want to achieve. I was very briefly in the 170s several years ago prior to a summer of bad eating and then breaking my ankle! (which resulting in the swing back into the 200s, well, let's be honest here, 210s!!!) I so want to see that 170s on my scale and know I need to STEP IT UP.

I have come to the realization that this journey is not a straight and static one. Each time we start to see progress and movement, really that means it is time to work a bit harder and fall a bit deeper down the rabbit hole :) I say it like that because when I started this, it felt like I was falling down a rabbit hole. I was a bit bewildered. I was in unfamiliar territory and not sure where I was going to end up. Now I know I am on a journey and that I need to just embrace each adventure as it comes. And this journey will never be over. I can't go back to where I was before. EVER. That is something I've spent some time mourning. And I've spent a day or two visiting that place several times because I thought I missed it. That bad habits, bad eating, not caring about my body, tv watching place. But after a night or two of all night tv watching or nasty food eating, I feel BAD. I have discovered I don't like feeling bad. I like feeling powerful and strong. And proud of what I am eating. And I like being a good example to my kids. And damn it, I also like having people ask me "how are you doing this??" and being impressed that I pulled myself off the couch and am doing it essentially alone (no trainer, no gym).

And I am starting to enjoy this new shape that is S...L...O..W..L..Y emerging. And I think I am starting to be a bit grateful that this journey is slow and is requiring hard work. If it was easy... would I really keep it off? Or would I shrug my shoulders and say "oh, 5lbs, I can take that off in a couple weeks". The reality for me is I can't take that off in a couple weeks. This 50lbs of weight loss is apparently going to take me a year. I don't know why, but it is. So be it. It took me 16 years to get to 210 so a year to get back to 145 is pretty good.

So I guess my newest adventure on this journey to a healthy life is to embrace the struggle and push. Push, push, push. Cause I am strong, and I can do it and the only thing that has EVER held me back, was me.

Jen

Woooo hoooo....

2010-05-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

Last night I ran again with my buddy and we did running intervals of:

warm up 5 min brisk walk
13 minutes running (YES!!)
2 min brisk walk
8 minutes run
3-4 min walk (got stuck as a light!)
8 minutes run
5 min brisk walk cool down (plus 5-10 of stretching at my front door)

Now we are thinking... we are training for the 5K on June 6th but everyone we have talked to says train for more than you want to do... Hmmm.... Gateway to 8K is what we are thinking which is 4 intervals of 7 minutes with only a minute walking in between. Can we run it? YES WE CAN!! (instead of "Bob the Builder" we are "Jen and Brenda the Runners", haha, how can you tell I have two boys?)

I didn't weigh myself at all again as I vow to do it only once a week - drive myself crazy with the daily fluctuations etc. Need to have a sit down with myself and revamp my eating. I've been so busy since we got home I haven't done grocery shopping, meal planning and it is STRESSING ME OUT.

Hope you are all having a sweaty week and a healthy fridge!

Jen